From The Inside Out

Like a Flood

2011-09-30T15:34:00.002+07:00

Our city is experiencing some major flooding. Well, all over Thailand actually. As of now, over fifty-six of the seventy-six provinces in Thailand have been affected by rising waters. There has been much devastation of homes, loss of crops, and loss of life.

The most proactive thing someone can do is sandbag the home, move major appliances to dry ground, and then go somewhere dry. It's quite sad to watch and wait as it continues to rain. And next weeks forecast offers no comfort when it only calls for more storms. (our village is dry, so far, no need for worry)

With the word "flood" being used so much right now, it has reminded me of this scripture.

"When the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the LORD will lift up a standard against him." Isaiah 59:19

I remember being taught that the original Hebrew language was written without punctuation and that it was put in at the time of translation. So the comma that was placed after the word "flood" could be switched and placed after the word "in". This would cause it to read like this...

"When the enemy comes in,...like a flood the Spirit of the LORD will lift up a standard against him." Isaiah 59:19

After seeing the power and destruction of flood waters, I would like to attribute that kind of strength to the Spirit of the Lord. If the enemy can come in like a flood, it allows us to be in fear and left with a sense of helplessness. That's not a place of comfort, peace or victory. But I must say, though, there are times of weakness in unusual circumstances that my placement of comma switches.

Because we may never know for sure this side of heaven where the comma belongs in that passage, I guess we will have to determine for ourselves where our faith allows us to put it. I just find it fascinating that the place where we choose to pause can change a meaning so much.

So, Where do you put your comma? Does your comma move? Does God change his punctuation in different situations?

Jacq Talked Thai Real Well

2011-09-27T20:35:00.002+07:00

When we first arrived in Thailand, I had this friendly litte competition with John on our language learning. Well, it didn't take long before he blew right past me. He was learning, studying, and getting out and about more, going to villages and using his Thai. And I, umm,...I was hanging out laundry, hand washing dishes and homeshooling. I quickly saw why missionary wives found it more challenging to get the language. There just is not enough hours in the day.

Anytime I think about learning more Thai, I get intimidated. I see it as this huge mountain peek that I am attempting to climb. I just keep looking up to see all that I don't know. And hearing my husband rattle it off doesn't really help either.

Recently, I have encountered a few situations outside of the norm. I went on a search to find raw milk for Aslan. I played "follow that cow" until I found a farmer that would sell me some. I had workers in my house to fix severe water damage in the kitchen. It took a whole four weeks before it was completely completed. (Sure don't miss washing dishes outside.) Then my washer broke and I had to find someone to look at it and then had to find somewhere to get the clothes washed during our washer-less week.

What I realized was...I spoke Thai to resolve all these situations! And many of the conversations were on the phone! So while I usually keep myself discouraged seeing the percentage of Thai I still don't know, I haven't been looking back to see the amount of ground that I have already covered. Yay for progress!

I think I might just finally change my information on Facebook to say that I speak both English and Thai!

All this talk about Jacq speaking Thai reminded me of a scene from Meet the Parents...

Greg Focker: Hey Jack, why don't you tell 'em about your little phone call in Thai.
Dina Byrnes: Jack can't talk Thai.
Greg Focker: Oh no, Dina, Jack can talk Thai. Jack talked Thai real well.

:)

Prayer Walk

2011-08-10T22:05:00.000+07:00

I have been feeling led to turn up the heat on prayer in my life. The time, the focus, the devotion, etc. So, when the message at church was on prayer this past Sunday, it was pretty confirming.

I have been stretching myself (my flesh and my muscles) to start my day a little earlier and go for a prayer walk. I take along my papers of all my friends requests. I had an overwhelming response when I asked people to send in their prayer needs. Pretty amazed by it, actually.

It's only been a few days, but here are just a few things that I have noticed.

* It's hard to wake up when it's dark. I really like sleep.

* There is a whole new world of people up and about at that time. People walking, running, walking dogs, hanging out their first load of laundry, people giving offerings to the passing monks, and my favorite...a dozen or so senior citizens doing Thai Chi in the park. I miss all this when I sleep in full daylight.

* Some people carry very heavy burdens. Life or death, heaven or hell kind of burdens. They get tired in the fight and when someone asks to pray and believe with them, they appreciate it...greatly!

* I am amazed at how open and vulnerable people can be with their requests, not based on the closeness of your relationship but based of the distance you are from their circle of friends. It gives me more trust in their eyes. It's not like I can go airing it all out...I'm in Thailand. I don't mind being that "removed" someone... I like it, actually. Glad I can help.

* All my own prayer needs that would have taken precedence have fallen way down on the list when I focus on others people very real,and sometimes urgent needs. It gives me some perspective and instead of feeling my lack, I switch to feeling more thankful.

* When you pray for other people and share their burden, it really lightens their load. And when God answers for them, you don't just watch them in their victory, you are a part of it. I love that.

* I feel closer to people when I pray for them. That helps me since I am physically not close to many of the people I love.

* Praying for other people can make you heavy-hearted if you hear and feel their burden but don't surrender that care and literally "give it" to God and believe that He did hear it and He is moving into action.

* Knowing and praying through other people's burdens brings awareness of your inadequacy to be God and brings more revelation of God's amazing capacity to bear each one of our heart cries, not to mention His all powerful ability to respond to them.

* Praying is work, ya know? It takes effort and time and focus. It accomplishes something. But...I am not saying that this work is bad! :)

* When you wake up and choose to put people on your heart to bring them to God, they stay on your heart all day long. It reminds me of a Smith Wigglesworth's quote, "I never pray more than twenty minutes but I never go more than twenty minutes without praying." I can totally see how you can live in a lifestyle of prayer, but it has to be on purpose. Something that valuable and that contested would not likely "just happen."

So, that's what God has been showing me so far. If you haven't already, email or facebook me any of your requests. I will share your burden and believe God with you. Expecting great things from our Great God!

I Want This!

2011-08-04T11:03:00.000+07:00

I am fully aware that I am completely unaware of all that I am asking, but I want Luke 5 in my life and ministry.

With travel and then a tropical storm, we have missed church two weeks in a row. So, we have had "church" at home. It's simple church style, and really fun.

Our little family, we sit on the floor with our Bibles and open to a passage and discover it together. We share what has been stressing us out, share if we have any needs, and then we pray together. It's been quite eye opening to hear Brayden point out things from the passage that I didn't realize he knew or understood. Sometimes he even shows me a thing or too. I like that.

One of our last passages was from the first part of Luke 5. As a missionary, there is so much I see those verses, that bless me and encourage me. We are grabbing ahold of them and not letting go!

*I want Jesus to come sit in our boat!

*I want Him to take us back out to where we just were and TEACH us!

*I want Him to say the word, and I want to obey it despite my natural thinking!

*I want a catch that we can't contain!

*I want to have partners that I can have come help.

*I want Jesus to sink our boats with the weight of the catch. (and I am fully aware that I am completely unaware of what I am asking!)

* I want to be overwhelmed and astonished and see the great difference in who He is and who I am!

*I want to be a fisher of men with a catch bigger than our own ability. A catch that is worthy of the name of Jesus, one that brings Him glory...and we need Him to do it.

Thank you for praying for us and supporting us. Any and every gift is big. Every prayer, short and sweet or long and deep, is heard by God. We can only present Jesus a gift that is worthy of His suffering if we do it together. We appreciate your love and encouragement oh so very much.

Time to Shift

2011-07-12T22:37:00.001+07:00

By now, I should understand it. It's that little restless, dissatisfied feeling where you are doing all you can but it's not quite getting you where you want to go. I compare it to being stuck in a gear. No matter how much faster you try to go, no matter how much gas you give it, you will not be going any faster until you...shift it!

Well, we have that feeling...again. I shouldn't be surprised really. We have vision to see much more than we are seeing, so then we have to do or change much more than what we are doing, right?

A possible move? Again? Oh, you know, part of me sighs in exhaustion at that thought. Oh, how I would love to live somewhere longer than a few months or a year. Maybe I could decorate, hang pictures on the wall, actually paint the rooms that I keep thinking really really need painting. But I think I just need to give in, throw in the towel. I ought to change my thinking to actually expect to move often. Well, If moving houses again means we are moving forward, then it's time to get to packing....again. :)

Initially, we were thinking of lowering our costs and downsizing. We did relocate to this city rather suddenly. And once we arrived and got familiar with the area, we realized that we could live on a different side of town with cheaper rent (but we had to stick out our contract). Getting a lower payment would be a rather wise decision considering that between Thailand's inflation and the US dollar exchange, have lost almost 20% of our buying power since we first arrived 2 years ago. Gulp.

But then again, just recently, we have been having visions of a base or "hub" as we call it, where spokes of various ministries are sent out from. In our mind, we see it in all in action, in and out and round and round. We can even name people who we think may be involved. So, John and I tossed around the idea of joining our home and the hub together at one central location. It could mean us living in a store front/business or something for a while, but doesn't that sound fun? (guess that's the calling coming out...lol!)

John and I took the motorbike out yesterday in search for possibilities of a suitable location. We even got to speak with a landlord and view an ideal building. As we walked around inside, I was starting to see it as a real possibility...umm, until he mentioned the price! What a way dampen the excitement! I realized in 2.5 seconds that I would need to fire up some more faith for this one. Sometimes, I am too simple. I can personally live with less. But when there is more vision, more lives to impact, more workers to partner with, then...more is needed. So...more faith would be required. And I was hit head on with the fact that I don't have it...yet!

But John and I really did have a blast daydreaming together yesterday. It was so fun. I realized though that MY faith needed to overcome MY fears or those dreams will just stay in MY mind's eye. I am understanding more and more that anyone who has ever done anything bigger than themselves must have had to dig down deep to tap into some supernatural supplies to do it.

Well, I can tell it's getting close to a shift time. We feel the need/desire/call to go further faster. I guess we need to push in, press down, and give it more fuel. How frustrating it would be to stuck in the same old gear with all this longing!

Officially Outdated!

2011-06-23T21:39:00.004+07:00

Years ago, when we were wanting to be missionaries, I would look at a missionary wives and wonder what life was like.

Well, God bless the missionary wives. They were always so beautiful to me. Simple. Pure. Bright eyed. I felt like they knew some secret I didn't, and now I know it's true. But there was something about them (generally speaking) that also kind of, scared me maybe. (Ok, major vain point coming up)

For the most part, they looked worn out and run down. (And not just spiritually, because I know how that is. And a nice visit to the states where everyone celebrates you is very refreshing.) But I mean, in their physical appearance. Many of them came to services dressed in baggy washed out mom jeans wearing an over-sized t-shirt with some logo on it, which probably belonged to her husband. Usually, she was without makeup and her hair was not styled with any purpose.

Although, her lifestyle was beautiful to me, her appearance was quite outdated and that's what scared me. It just seemed like she was last one to get anything new. And it had probably been so long since she did, that she wouldn't even know what to do with options. I guess when there is extra money that is able to be spent, it would go to something super practical, like school supplies, travel costs or filling the gas tank!

Well, I guess you could call me the vain sort since I was scared by this. I knew I was going to be a missionary but I didn't really want that appearance to be my fate too. See, I know myself too well. If I look junky (for long stretches of time), I will feel junky too and then soon enough everyone around me will start feel junky as well. Besides, I like wearing makeup. I like when my nails are freshly done or my eye brows freshly waxed. I like something new every once in a while. It really picks up my spirits and makes me feel pretty.

But even still, I have never been the super trendy type either. Honestly, I am just too cheap for that. I am the self-proclaimed walmart shopper. And if I were a millionaire, it would probably still be my favorite store. But there are no Walmarts here.

But since many of the clothes here don't fit us,(we are the fat foreigner LOL),what we do have must last us for years. And I promise you....some of the things we have had for years. Many years. We both generally stick with some variation of denim and black for our wardrobes(kind of funny and kind of pathetic actually). But it always works, especially for traveling. Besides, it's pretty safe. Don't see denim or black being fashion no-no's anytime soon. :)

So, after I have feared being outdated and made attempts to NOT be outdated,...guess what just happened recently?

I asked my mom to send me my favorite lipstick color from America, thinking it would be small enough to send in an envelope. She is always looking for something nice she can do for me. I always seem to have trouble finding lipsticks here because everything is suited to Asian skin coloring and I am not. Having another tube of this color was going to answer to a very minor problem.

So, later my mom got back with me and told me that...they no longer carry my favorite lipstick shade! The one I have liked for about 4 years! It's been discontinued!

So, it's official now, I am definitely outdated! LOL!

(You are probably laughing to yourself thinking, "Girl, it's been official, you are just officially realizing that you are outdated!" And in that case, I laugh with you! :)

I just think it's kind of ironic how I became what I tried not to become. Mai ben lai, it's all vanity anyway, right?

Now, I know my girlfriends well enough to know that reading this might compel them to want to go buy me some hot new lip gloss shade for Summer 2011 or something and ship it over to me. Really, it's ok. You don't have to do that. But I appreciate you for wanting to.

Love yall!

You Hold Me Now

2011-06-21T11:14:00.003+07:00

I love those times, especially during corporate worship, when you get so into what you are doing (worshiping God) that you completely forget about where you are and that there are people around you. It doesn't happen as frequently as I would like, but when it does, it's like a little slice of heaven. I sense God's presence right there with me and I forget about every care or worry.

This was happening a couple weeks ago at church when they started to play " You Hold Me Now" by Hillsong. I was overcome by the awareness that the joy and peace I feel in those times, were things that my brother Dean in heaven has all.the.time. As I sang the words, I cried like a baby. I realized, with more revelation than ever before, that although I missed him here and would love to have him back, there is no way he would want to stop what he was doing to return!

So, as I think about him today on his birthday, my joy is fuller than ever. He has the best present he could ever receive, being in the arms of His creator with all the blessings of heaven.

Then, of course, it leads me to think about the many people I see everyday who have no hope of heaven since they have never heard the name of Jesus. And it compels us on to live this life God has called us to with even more passion. The reward of helping people get into heaven is almost as glorious as heaven itself.

Take some time to listen to this song I am speaking of...You Hold Me Now.

Our Wedding...10 Years Ago

2011-06-15T21:13:00.003+07:00

John and I met a month before I graduated Bible School. His roommate was dating my roommate and by the end of the summer we had switched roommates! :) It was a whirlwind of wonderful. We went from friends to courting in 10 days.We were married less than 7 months later.

Our wedding day was unique, to many it was completely weird. I didn't care much about most of the things a bride would typically care about. So, it was simple in that regard. But it was focused on the things that were important to us. Here are some of the symbolic aspects we highlighted in our wedding ceremony.

* We had an open invitation, anyone who wanted to be there...we wanted them to be there. (The Parable of the Wedding Banquet)

* I had five bridesmaids who carried oil lamps. (The Parable of the Virgins)

* Before I walked down the isle, our friend blew the shofar. I walked out to a Celtic version of "Our God is an Awesome God". (Sound of the Trumpet)

* I choose to wear my veil through the whole ceremony. (1 Corinthians 13:12)

* We had a long time where we worshiped God together. For a moment, one could forget that it was a wedding. It really was about Him.

* After lighting the Unity Candle together, I lit a candle and gave it to John's mom and John lit a candle and gave it to my mom, showing how us coming together was going to bring light to both of our families...and it has.

* We had special friends (husband/wife) sing a song that they had co-wrote for another couple years earlier. It was through that experience of writing this particular song that they themselves fell in love. :) It was a blessing to have them sing that for us.

* We had a foot washing ceremony. (John 13) Also, in some cultures, foot washing is a way to welcome someone into your home after a long journey where their feet may have got dirty. Our friend who introduced that part of the ceremony is now a fellow missionary in Thailand... but ten years ago this was all unforeseen.

* We had leaders come lay hands on us to pray and prophesy over us, our marriage, future family, and ministry.

* Once we were announced as Mr. & Mrs. Lambert, we purposely began our journey as husband and wife by walking out of the sanctuary to "Ask and I Will Give You the Nations". We have always known we were foreign missions bound...yet it still took almost 8 years...

So, just so you know, John and I have always been a little weird, as in different from others and we have never really stopped. But we are ok with that. :)

Some things I remember about that day... 1)my something blue were my baby blue bottomed flip flops with sparkly white beads on top. (It was June in Florida) 2) The look on John's sister's friends faces during the ceremony. One of them was a wedding coordinator and I promise, she had never seen anything like it! :) 3)During the reception, my nephew Jordan who was around 13 got his braces snagged on my veil. :) 4)In all the chaos, the bubbles that Aunt Tina got for me never made it in the hands of the guests before we left the church. :(

I remember getting back from our honeymoon to find that many of our friends who were dating had broke up. They saw that we had something they didn't have. Only some of them were reunited and married. Not exactly what we intended to have happen, but God used it.

One of my favorite memories of my wedding, I mean, other than actually becoming Mrs. Lambert, was the special memory I made with my brother Dean. My baby brother Dean represented our family and walked me down the isle that day. The pictures, both serious and funny, from that day are some of my favorites ever. I miss him.

So, it's been ten years, 2 kids, and half a world away from our starting place and we are finally doing what has been in our hearts to do since the beginning!! We are blessed, happy, and fulfilled.

Thank you to all those who have blessed us along the way.

Parenting on the Mission Field

2011-05-04T14:54:00.001+07:00

Parenting is hard and cross cultural life is hard, put the two together and...well, it keeps me on my knees. Both of these things are so important, way too important to mess up. Lives and futures (of our children and of Thai people) are dependent on our successful management. It takes frequent checks, many adjustments and lots of balance.

Our goal is that after the children are raised, that not only do they NOT hate ministry but that they can look back with wonderful memories and perhaps one day choose it for themselves! That would be ultimate success. God help us achieve that.

If John and I were here on the mission field alone, we could be more adventurous and make different choices. But we aren't. We have two little ones by our side looking to us for their daily needs, But we know we are preparing them for a future as well. Their education, socialization, character development is all happening now while we are away from America and its comforts (and education system), away from an extended family and support system. It's a huge responsibility.

It has caused us to make certain decisions, like move to another city, put the children in bilingual school, go to an international church, etc. We are aware that this is a delicate balancing act.

Maybe we would have been too self reliant in our own abilities as a missionary, or too over confident in our ability to parent. God knew what He was doing when He combined the two. The two biggest blessings in our life when put together create the biggest challenge. It only causes us to need Him and trust Him more and more.

Forever Surprised.

2011-04-07T22:24:00.001+07:00

Recently, I received a surprising email from a member of my family that I haven't spoken to in years. It went something like this...

"First of all, I need to apologize for the way I have treated you in the past...I used to be a radical Christian but I had fallen away from God... just recently I came back to God and I have been reading the Bible and praying 24/7...You and John have been popping up in my mind and I need your forgiveness to move on with the Lord...You are my sister in Christ and we need to love each other as Christ loves us! Hope all is well I AM PRAYING FOR YOU AND JOHN! Love your brother in Christ."

WOW! I was speechless. I kept reading it over and over with a big smile on my face and tears in my eyes. My heart was so full and I walked around all day in near disbelief at the thought of it. Crazy wonderful. It stuck on me for the days after, a feeling of blessed-ness.

I remember the turmoil my heart faced at the thought of leaving my family in America in the state that it was in. Radically obeying God, selling everything and moving with God was the easy part. Leaving my family who was (many of them) without God...that's where it got hard.

But I am simply awe struck at God and His working and speed of delivery when it comes to my extended family in the states! In the last two years, I have had miraculous answers to prayer regarding my family. My parents have been remarried after being divorced for 8 years, prodigal sons have returned home, we have seen real estate breakthoughs, etc. It's really been pretty amazing.

Deep in my heart, I just sense God's pleasure in us (me, John, Brayden, and Aslan) We have heard His heart for the unreached people of Thailand and responded. And during that very same time, God has heard our heart for the ones we love back in America and God too has responded...in some really big ways. He takes care of what concerns us when we take care of what concerns Him. I just love being teamed up with God! (sigh)

Even after all this time, and after all the things God has showed me about who He is and what He can do, I still find myself "surprised" when He acts accordingly. You would think that I would know by now that my Abba is the Creator of the Universe and He does these things for me!" :) It's like my latest revelation of who He is surpasses my current knowledge of Him and therefore, I will be forever surprised.

Four Years is Too Long

2011-03-16T10:15:00.001+07:00

This weekend marks 4 years since the death of my brother Dean. I just hate that it has been soon long without him. Four years is the length of a high school or college career. My son, Aslan is four now and he has never met his Uncle Dean. I don't know that time ever heals this kind of loss.

And as time goes by, I get scared that I will forget the sound of Dean's voice. I have tons of pictures to help me remember his face but nothing to help me remember his voice. Right now, I still can hear him calling my name in my head. I hope I never forget that.

You know what I regret? I regret that Friday night when my mom was in my living room on the phone with Dean, she asked if I wanted to say hi. And guess what I said? I said, "I'm washing dishes, let me call him back." -What??? (how foolish!) That could have been my last time to hear his voice and I choose to wash dishes. Oh, how I hate that! I so wish I had stopped what I was doing to talk with him.

That's something I have been trying to work on. Especially here in Thailand, I can easily be a "Martha", and get busy doing life stuff that I miss out on being a "Mary", the one who chooses to enjoy people. It's hard though, when life stuff is harder here (no dishwasher, no dryer, floors that need continual mopping, and no domestic helper). But I am ever working on being aware of times when I need to stop my busyness and be a "Mary" and see people as the event instead of a distraction.

No doubt, people and relationships are the most important things in life. I miss my baby brother, my boys miss knowing their Uncle Dean. God help me focus on people while they are still here.

Four years, is already too long.

My Favorite Time of Day

2011-03-02T10:49:00.000+07:00

My favorite moments are once everyone is sent off to school or work. It's just me in my pj's (still) sippin the last half of my coffee. Knowing that I am all alone for a short time, I hurry up and put on some worship LOUD, to drown out my off key singing even from myself. Sometimes I mop the floors and do house stuff and other times I just get caught up in feeling God's presence. Singing, praying, crying, standing, sitting, kneeling....in my pajamas sometimes next to a mop and a bucket. It's only a sight God could love. It's been really great and I have been kind of jealous over that time. If John is running late and is still home during what should be "my time", I get a bit irritable. I am almost like kicking him out the door. :)

Here are just a few of the things God gave me today.

I felt so humbled that I could be anywhere in the world living in the consequences of my poor choices, but instead I was here. I was just amazed at the amazingness of God. In the truest sense of that word "amazing", unlike how it is overused nowadays.

After feeling so loved and accepted in His presence, I felt so sad for others who do not get to have that, because I know that they have that need, desire and longing. All their choices in life prove that they are seeking for that ultimately. But they settle for lesser things, lesser lovers and are always left continuously unfulfilled. Since blatant outward idol worship is so so common and visible here, it's even more obvious.

Then I think about the scripture that fuels the mandate of our lives. With His Blood he has purchased man for God from every tribe and nation. Then I feel this sense of injustice and it creates a drive in me to go reclaim the souls that are rightfully belonging to God already. Knowing that John is on the streets evangelizing at the same moment, I pray into whatever situation he is in believing for God's blessing on it because I know He wants it more than we do.

I am thankful that we have hit a season now where I feel more in my role, right, and responsibility to be the intercessor over our family and the work God's doing. In other seasons, with language lessons, homeschooling, and John working all inside the small house, those important times of prayer weren't happening with freedom, fervor or frequency.

I am feeling a shifting in the spirit. We are all set up and adjusted and completely focused now. I am believing that as the years as days, we are entering in to our 3rd day and we are expecting God to do big, powerful, resurrecting, glorious things.

Thanks for loving, encouraging, giving and praying. You share in all the fruit.of the work. God bless you.

"Rest" of the New Year

2011-01-01T13:05:00.000+07:00

I am writing this now from the beach of Koh Chang, Thailand. A vacation for us is such a rare beautiful event that I want to write about it to make the memory last longer.

If any of you know my husband well, you know that he is not one to sit still long. He works sometimes what seems like non-stop and holds himself to some goals that are a bit lofty at times. Since we have been here (now almost 2 years) when asked John will say..."Vacation? What? I am not taking a vacation until I can speak Thai fluently!" Well, he has been going out evangelizing on the streets of our city at 4:30am 3 times a week meeting with prostitutes, pimps, and drug dealers. He has been using his Thai language in ways that has really stretched him, even interpreting for other English speakers. I think maybe he realized that he has achieved one of his goals (although he knows language learning is an ongoing process).

So, when the COC (Christian Outreach Centre) offices closed for the holiday break, and the boys had off school for the holiday break, my prayers for John to give himself some rest were answered when he surprised me and decided suddenly we would go away for a few days. I was given only about 3 hours to pack all of us up and get the house in order for some houseguest to stay while we were gone. It was crazy but wonderful. I really love spontaneity. It's such a really nice interruption to my well-planned same day routine.

The travel to arrive in Koh Chang was around 20 hours long. Started by car to a central location, then on to a songtaew (the back of a pick up truck), then on to an 11 hour overnight bus to Bangkok, to an 6 hour shuttle van to a port city, then a ferry ride to the Island and then another songtaew ride to a place to stay. We felt a bit like Mary and Joseph because there seemed to be no room at the Inn. Thankfully we found something before we ended up spending the night in a manger. It was all quite exhausting, but well worth it!

Our first night we realized we were over charged for a place that was away from the beach. So we changed locations to a "beachside bungalow". Sounds wonderful, huh? (Our experience kind of reminds me of that one commercial, maybe you remember it.) But do not be confused by the word "beachside". Our quick decision and a limited budget on a well traveled week got us a "place to stay" but that's about it. We are sleeping 4 to a bed that is about 20 years old. John calls it a "torture device". :) The room has a fan, a toilet that flushes when you pour water into it from the bucket, and cold water to bucket bathe with. :)

BUT....we are on a beautiful white sand beach with water like a magazine ad! We float on the water with a raft until all we can see is our toes poking through the horizon line of the sky and the limitless ocean. And to look back at the view of the mountains on the island...well...wow. Brayden has been like a a fish swimming with fish in the water from sun up to sun down and Aslan has been playing in the sand. In the evenings, we watch the crazy performances with people breathing, twirling, spinning, and throwing fire on the beach. It's been a lot of fun.

Although today is our last day of vacation, I am happy that we spent the first day of this new year with some rest. Looking back over our last few years, we have had quite a long time of transitioning. We have been preparing and adjusting to new cultures, countries, and then lately a new city. The word "rest" has not been an overarching theme during all that time.

In 2011, John and I will both turn 35! Be married 10 years! And will have an 8 and 5 year old! And be on the mission field 2 years! Just amazed at how time is quickly going by! Looking forward to all that God gives us in the "rest" of this New Year.

Today...

2010-11-03T21:37:00.000+07:00

All of a sudden I have had a leap in my understanding of the Thai language! The accent here is more like the textbook Thai that I learned and it is so much easier to understand! I feel so smart. ;) In Isaan, the accent was strong, and for many people Thai was used as their second language. So now that I understand and can be understood better, I am a lot more talkative.

Today, I went to a store front shop to buy a special pot to make sticky rice. I had a nice chat with the owner. She was kind of impressed that I was wanting to a sticky rice pot (not all foreigners like it). I told her that I used to live in Khon Kaen with the Isaan people and that my family was used to eating it a lot. Her and I were squatting Thai style pointing at different pots laid out on a rice mat. I asked her some questions about how exactly to make the sticky rice. Soak it for how long? Put the rice in here? The water in where? For how long? etc. Then she said, "Oh, your housekeeper should know how to do it. She can show you or make it for you." I told her I didn't have a housekeeper. She looked at me funny, because it's common for foreigners and Thais alike to have domestic help.

Then she called a young girl up from the back of the store and told me that this was her housekeeper/ helper. The girl lives with her and she helps her with the house, with the children, and at the store. This girl was very young. I was surprised that it wasn't her daughter. I introduced myself and then asked her lots of questions because I was just so curious. She answered that she was only 13, from the mountains and her parents have her come and stay in the city to work. She doesn't go to school so she can help her family make money by working (uniforms are expensive). She was a very sweet girl and seemed very comfortable and happy in her arrangement. The store owner told me she could get me a helper too, if I wanted. It would only be 3500 baht a month equivalent to about $115 USD. (no, thanks.)

When I walked out of the store, I kept going over the conversation in my mind thinking that I must have misunderstood, but I knew I didn't. I was in shock at how quickly and easily she offered to get me a young girl! I just kept thinking of all the wrong people who would take advantage in that situation. It grieved me so deeply to understand that kind of thing happens often here. A parent allows their child to go with strangers for a job and then some never return again. And all for only $115. A poor family needing money and a greedy wicked person desiring money and all at the expense of a young girl (or boy). (sigh)

The rest of my day I was heavy-hearted. I can't think too long or too hard about what goes on with my Thai people, it can be incapacitating, a burden too big to bear.

Another amazing thing about God...not only does He know all things, but He has the emotional capacity to bear EVERY burden of EVERY person. (wow) And He has a plan!

Move, Moving, Moved!

2010-10-08T15:40:00.000+07:00

Well, we (me and boys) made it to Chiang Mai alright, minus the dozen ant bites Brayden got from riding in the crumb filled seat on the bus. John made it fine on the long drive by himself, but his earphones for his ipod hung out the door for half the trip. It's an interesting shape now after it was dragged on the road for 6 hours. The truck with our furniture made it to Chiang Mai without incident, BUT our furniture inside was tossed around and was covered with black soot from the diesel fumes.

If you had only seen my face, when I first discovered it. I kept trying not to be disappointed but I was. Every thing we own (which isn't very much) was scarred, scratched, nicked, or dented. Our refrigerator, washer, microwave, tv, entertainment center, cabinet, and the boys bed frame were fairly new looking but that is not so now. The boys mattress is still gray from the soot. Ugh! So so frustrating. We tried to take the cheaper road by renting a truck with two drivers instead of "movers". Now we know the difference.

The house was so clean when we arrived, which is very unusual. Of course I had to put the Jacqueline wash on everything but it wasn't difficult. It's a good thing because the clean up of everything on the truck was enough work for me. There was even soot on each lego block that was inside the lego bin. Crazy!

I really like our house. It is slightly larger than our 1100 square foot home in Khon Kaen, so that's really nice. I feel like I have received a promotion with my kitchen. I have cabinets!!! And I have a four burner stove instead of two like before. I have a real oven! It's a compact/apartment size, but it's wonderful. And the refrigerator is teenage sized, instead of kid sized. Although it's nothing compared to some stainless steel grandpa's some of my American friends have, it's better than what I had, which is great to me! So, I guess I gotta cook now. Ahh, man!

We are trying to get used to our new city and people. It is very different here. John mentioned that it might be similar to a move from Alabama to California. People are inside more and busy, like America. The traffic here is crazy in the sense that it is busier, but overall it is more civil and law abiding than Khon Kaen. I see a lot more newer model cars, and less motor bikes, which makes it quieter outside our house. Never realized just how much noise motorbikes created when they were in groups. There are less food stands and more indoor restaurants. Because so few foreigners ever visited Khon Kaen, we were always stared at, here, no one seems to double take. And that's kind of nice.

Our last week with all our friends in Khon Kaen was so much fun, it really made it hard to say goodbye. We connected and bonded with the Isaan culture/people while we were there and made some really great friends. Now in a way, we need to allow ourselves to separate some so that we have room to embrace all the new things that life brings us here. Ready or not, it's now.

Although, we would love to put Brayden in school, we won't be at this time. He is doing fine homeschooling on an academic level, but it's socially where he is struggling. When we told him we were going to be moving to Chiang Mai, he cried. He said he didn't want to leave "all" his friends. (He only had one friend). When I asked him who, he said his friends at TaeKwonDo. When I asked him their names, he said..."I don't know". It made me sad that he doesn't know enough about friendships to know the difference between friends and acquaintances. One day, we would like to be able to put Brayden in one the international schools here. Until then, pray that God blesses him with friends.

We will be waiting to put Aslan in his school until January when the new semester begins, since it is now mid semester here. But he will be beginning his speech and occupational therapy right away. Please join us as we pray to see marked improvements quickly.

So, we did it! It's done! We are here! Even though it could have been seriously stressful, it wasn't. It was blessed and grace-filled, even despite the furniture thing. Thanks for praying. Right now, the only thing stress I feel is my back muscles from all the lifting, pushing and pulling that is unavoidable when moving.

Thanks for praying and please continue.

Blessings, Jacq

Entering A New Season

2010-09-26T01:26:00.000+07:00

Well, I am rarely on the computer these days and when I do it's a quick stop to facebook. So I realized today that I never mentioned "it" on my blog. "It" being that...we are moving again...to Chiang Mai, Thailand, 12 hours north of here in the mountains.

This was a challenging decision for us to make. But really what was more difficult was the time just before we came to this conclusion.

As you may or may not know, our youngest son Aslan who will turn 4 in November is not yet speaking. Well, he speaks some, but typically not more than one word at a time. It's been a concern of ours for quite a while. We have reasoned it off on him having a more introverted personality, on him going through all the moves and transitions to 3 different countries, etc. We know that he hears and that he can understand, he just is not using words to communicate his needs or wants.

During our time in America, we took him to several appointments to doctors and therapists. Although no diagnosis was made, it was clear that we needed to be doing something more to help him. It was recommended that he be in at least one hour of occupational therapy and one hour of speech therapy each week. We knew none of those options were available to us in this city. So, we did what we could, which wasn't much with our limited resources. We put him in a preschool. (see the last blog post) It was a bilingual school and it was not giving him enough of what he needed. It was a strain on us financially, not to mention it was very far away.

It was so frustrating to need and to want to do something for your child that we had no ability to do. We were making a great amount of effort with very little results, and all the while, he was getting older and not progressing. Our hearts ache as parents for the simplest forms of communication from our son, the kind that gets taken for granted typically. Like asking for a drink, informing us of his need to use the bathroom, ....saying " I love you". We have been trying to find a way to manage his tantrums when he too becomes frustrated by his own inability to express himself. Then we second guess if he truly does understand certain things since he is not giving any feedback. The littlest things in life that should be easy haven't been...easy. It was this challenge that forced us to do the thing that we didn't want to do.

Not only did we NOT want to move,...we didn't even want to consider moving. The idea alone brought out insecurities in us; a sense of failure to not be able to make it here in this city, the overwhelm of moving again, not just to a new house, but to a city on the other side of the country, the debate of whether God wanted us to be still and trust Him for Aslan's growth or if we should be active and aggressive and get every help possible. We had a lot to consider, a lot to deal with within ourselves personally, and then had to deal with that fact that the other had their different way of dealing with it. The consideration process was exhausting. Making the decision was easier, although it took some time to get used to.

The easier part has been gaining peace about it all. Once we relented, it all happened rather quickly. Doors of opportunity opened in Chiang Mai while doors that were opened here closed rather suddenly. The timing of our lease here was ending and it was pretty clear on the when and where. I visited Chiang Mai alone and found an all English school for Aslan as well as different therapists (in English). We have none of this my current city. In Chiang Mai, I got to meet face to face with people I had only known through networking on facebook and after a few days I had more friends up there then I had ever had here! It didn't take long to see that God had a plan for US even though we thought we were going mainly for Aslan. That was very encouraging to us to know that we could do the best we could for Aslan and still be fulfilling our calling here. For some time, it seemed like the two were at odds with one another. So, it's with a sigh a relief that we are moving.

Well, we have lived here now over a year and have gone through all the startup purchases, like furniture, refrigerator, washer, etc. We aren't as light as we used to be since we have settled in some. So, this move cross country will be a different challenge for us. We will need a truck and a driver to get our things up there. I think me and the boys will be taking the overnight bus up while John delicately and carefully drives our car through the mountains. I know it's a 1995, but we have just had to put a lot of work into that car so it should be good to go. I don't really love that bus ride (see the post entitled "in all things give thanks") but I prefer that over the long car ride and dozens of "squatty potty" stops! :)

We are entering a new season, and as we know from times past, transitions can be stressful and can leave one vulnerable to an attack from the enemy. Please be praying for us in all the new things, for grace, and peace and joy AND that we see quick progress in Aslan!

We do have some mountains we are facing financially as we take on Aslan needing to be in a special school and having weekly therapy appointments. We will be speaking to that mountain/obstacle of an additional $300 a month to be removed. If you feel that you can help with this, please let us know. You can email us at spreadtheflame@hotmail.com or visit www.spreadtheflame.com.

Thank you so much for all your support. It makes a difference to have your encouragement and prayers.

Overloaded

2010-08-26T21:18:00.000+07:00

Overloaded.

That is a good word to describe the way I have felt in this last season of life. My daily routine changed quite a bit since we came back from America in June. I have had harder times in life then now but even then it seemed to be easier to manage. It's not that my load is necessarily heavy. It's just awkward, cumbersome, bulky, not neatly squared off in stackable, easy to handle boxes.

One of these strangely shaped packages was sending Aslan to school. For those who do not know, we have been having concerns about Aslan's development. He is delayed in speech and socially. Ideally, we would have him in a preschool and speech therapy, but in our city there are not many resources (especially in English). We did though find a bi-lingual preschool (Thai and English)...but it is very far away, and at a not so cheap of a rate. We decided to try it for one semester to see if it would help Aslan gain some progress and help calm our concerns.

So for the last few months, I have been driving my youngest (age 3) to and from school which takes nearly an hour and a half in the morning and then another hour and a half in the afternoon. In the between times, I homeschool my oldest (age 7). It hasn't been so easy. There have been mornings as I leave the school, Aslan is crying because he does not want to stay and Brayden is crying because he would like to stay and have friends.

And what does a Mom do when both the boys are crying (other than cry/want to cry herself)? She gets back in the car and drives...and drives...and prays...and tries to figure out away to manage this load with more grace, more peace, and more joy.

It's awkward in my heart to have this reversal. My oldest should be in school and my youngest should be at home with me, right? Aslan is only 3, he is the one I want home with me. Brayden is 7 and longs for friends and no matter how hard I try I can never be Brayden's peer. In addition, when we bought this 1995 car, we never intended to use it for this much driving. How can this possibly be a long term solution? Is it a solution at all, it if is only causing more problems?

On my long contemplative rides home, I see the craziest of things around me. I say sometimes that I feel like I live on the back cover of a Highlights magazine. You would think that I would be used to some of these sites by now. It shouldn't cause me to gasp or sigh or get nervous when I drive behind them, right?...but it still does. It also puts some perspective on carrying some awkward, cumbersome loads. So while I may feel overloaded, these are some true overloads. Whenever I see some of this, I think my friends in America would never understand unless they saw for themselves. So be entertained.

That's not overloaded. Look, it fits.

If we can get through the underpass, we are not overloaded.

If we had people sitting on these stacked chairs, and then had no more room, we would be overloaded.

Duck! Power lines at 12 o'clock. Close to being overloaded.

Hmm, I wonder what kind of work they do.

Comfortable seats on the smooth roads. haha

Solo Trip to Chiang Mai

2010-08-09T15:49:00.004+07:00

I really did need the break and it was John's mid semester break from language class, so if there was ever to be a time where I could get away it was then.

Chiang Mai is in the mountains a bit cooler and more developed than our city. I would often hear people saying great things about it but I always wanted to have a first hand experience.

This was my first time going away alone. I never even left the boys with John and traveled in America. But I chose to do it here Thailand? Did I forget that I am limited in the Thai language area? I was a little nervous about it all at first. The overnight bus ride. Getting around the city with public transportation. But it all turned out better than great.

I decided rather suddenly to go, so I didn't arrange appointments until the very last second, but everything fell into line. The right people were available at the right time which made it a very productive trip. John had been to Chiang Mai in January and had met some key contacts. So I while I was in town, I met with them myself.

One was a speech therapist. I met with her and talked about the help we needed with Aslan. She is also an American missionary wife and was very helpful in getting me some resources.

I also met with an Australian couple that has an outreach center there. Amazing how you can go from never meeting someone to understanding their heart and vision over lunch and coffee.

The morning of my last day a "friend" (from facebook) called me. She is a friend of a friend who lives in Chiang Mai. My friend connected us awhile back knowing that we were both moving to Thailand as missionaries. Jana and I have communicated on facebook some, but we had never "met".. We went out to dinner together and had an absolute blast. She was so funny. We had so much we wanted to say to one another. Who we were. What brought us here. What we are doing now What our plans were for the future. After four hours of chatting, it felt like we just broke the surface. Turns out that my new friend knows my pastor from New Jersey. They worked together years ago. I loved sharing with her that he was the one that remarried my parents. :) It is such a small world.

Since I had no way to get around the city, I had to take a tuktuk to go anywhere. The first driver was eager to help me get everywhere I wanted to go. Between his broken English, my broken Thai, charades, and pointing at a map, we communicated just fine. He must have said 50 times, "Jackie call Ae. Ae...5 minutes, 5 minutes, ok? ok." He was one of the most energetic Thai people I have ever met. I am sure he loved having the constant business, and for me, I loved having the same driver knowing that I could communicate what I needed.

While in Chiang Mai, I enjoyed some of it's western restaurants. I got to have Mexican, Lebanese, and Italian...all of which we do not have in Khon Kaen! The only thing that seemed to be missing in my getaway, was a friend to hang with. But it was good for me to go alone on this trip, to break me out of my mold and comfort zones, to fumble around in my Thai, make mistakes and laugh while people laugh at me.

Sheesh, three days away and I have days of backed up laundry. With consistent rainy days and no dryer, my kitchen table and chairs have become another drying rack. But I am handling it all well since I am so refreshed from the break!

In everything give thanks ;)

2010-08-06T13:58:00.000+07:00

While John was back home playing Mr. Mom and growing in his appreciation for me, I went to Chiang Mai alone. This was my very first time traveling by myself. That 13 hour overnight bus ride was long and very uncomfortable. I am so glad the children were not there. There were though, a number of others things that I also felt gratitude for. Here are some of my thoughts.

Thank you Thai guy for smoking that whole pack of cigarettes 15 minutes before getting on the bus. I really enjoyed how when sat next to me, you slept with arms like a chicken and legs like a frog making sure I was as comfortable as possible.

Thank you Vitamin C chewables for allowing me to snack on you while bringing me mental comfort thinking that you were helping my immune system in this stuffy, sniffley, cough filled air.

Old creepy foreign man, I am suspicious of your intention toward my people. So I really appreciate you speaking to me. I "loved" how it associated me with you..

Thank you, Thank you to my fellow Thai bus mates. The look on your faces when you saw the "unique"meal set before us at the rest stop proved to me that I did not need to go native and eat it either. When in doubt, just eat the rice.

Thank you to the sweet Thai mom who provided her four small boys with snacks for the road. Your choice of squid and other fish assortments created a "wonderful" aromatherapy once combined with the others smells coming from those who DID choose to eat the questionable sausage and cabbage combo from the rest stop.

And to Isaan Tours, none of this could have been possible if it wasn't for you. Thank you for the safe...and slow...and loud bus ride through the mountains of North Thailand. " I think I can, I think I can." ...I am glad you finally did.

Also, I really enjoyed the Thai Karaoke videos. But I do have a question.Why does each one have the same theme? A guy falls out of love with his wife. He speaks to his new flame on his cell phone in front of his wife while they are working in the rice field. While she is harvesting rice, she recalls how her husband used to nurse her burnt hands when she injured them from serving him his hot soup, but now when she slices her hand on a sickle, he doesn't care at all,...but continues to talk to his girlfriend on the cell phone! And why...why do they always seem to end with him walking out on her while she chases after him, falls to the ground and begs him to stay?

Although these "thank yous" are sacrastic nature, let it be unmistakenly clear just how truly thankful I really am to have a few days to myself exploring a new and fun city while my husband plays Mr. Mom...and grows in his appreciation toward me. Oh, yeah, I think I mentioned that already. :)

Hey Mom...

2010-06-29T22:23:00.001+07:00

I am homeschooling Brayden during the day and it's been a bit of a challenge. He is fidgety and restless (like he has ants in his pants). He doesn't have self control over his body. He is all over the place which has made sitting down for school harder. He is very bright but it's just been hard to get what is on his mind down on to paper.

He is a constant thinker. His mind is always going a mile a minute. From sun up to sun down, he asks of the strangest random questions...and he expects me to have a detailed scientific answer for every one. All in the course of one day, these are the questions he has asked me.

Hey Mom, what is the FBI? What is the CIA? Then what to swat teams do?

Hey Mom, how do they slaughter animals in Thailand? Is it different than how we do it in America? Well, how do they do it in America?

Hey Mom, if a person drank nothing but Mountain Dew all day long, would they get dehydrated? How many day would it take them to get dehydrated? Mountain Dew has caffeine in it, right?

Hey Mom, Tin is a metal, right? Why is it softer than other metals? Can you melt it? Ok. What temperature do you need to melt it? Can you melt tin foil? Can we try that when we get home? Well, if tin i a metal, why would they wrap potatoes in tin foil and put them on the grill?

Hey Mom, If a person got shot would they die? What if they got shot in the leg? The arm? The belly?

Hey Mom, Which Nerf gun do you like more? No, really which is your favorite? Which one would you want to buy and play with?

Hey Mom, Why do men have nipples? They don't need them right? The girls have to do all that milking stuff. Maybe God just thought it would look good, is that what you think?

Hey Mom, Can I have a snack? (Moments later) Hey Mom, Can I have another snack?

Hey Mom, Can we set up a booth the sell stuff at the lake?

Hey Mom, How much should I charge for this necklace?

Hey Mom, Can I be done with school work? Then can I do daydream now?

Hey Mom, What do you want me to be when I grow up?

I love that he has all this mental energy but somedays I can't keep up. I know being inquisitive and extremely social are a good things, soI don't want to discourage him. But I did though have to ask him today to give me half hour of silence because I was "Hey Mom"-ed out, but he just couldn't. :) I may need to change my approach to teaching him to the "unschooled" method (and that really does exist). I wish he could be at school to have other friends to talk to other than me all day. Ha, it would take a special teacher to manage Brayden and a class full of other students. I love my Brayden for who he is. I just wonder where he gets it from.

Both Wonderful and Busy

2010-06-26T00:44:00.001+07:00

(whew...been so long I nearly forgot how to log in)

My blogging silence has been due to a whirlwind of activity, both in America and since returning home. We had a wonderful and busy visit to America.

I am a bit overwhelmed at the thought of writing all of it now. So, I won't. I will, however, give you some highlights. These are some of the things about our trip that really blessed me.

1. Freedom House Church!!! I loved seeing how much you have grown. It was so emotional for me to be there with you singing songs in my own language. FHC treats us like celebrities every time we come back. It's that whole red carpet thing. It may start with a red visitor bag but doesn't stop...ever! People from the church gave us a car to use, a place to stay, toys, and clothes for my children, a getaway night for me and John...etc. Wow!

2. Pensacola, Florida- This is where John and I met and were married. It was great to meet up with all of our friends at Liberty Church that we hadn't seen in so many years! A friend knew of someone who had a furnished vacant house available for us to stay and it was such a blessing! All he wanted as payment was a picture of our family standing outside the house! There we vacationed at Pensacola Beach with John's family, just before the oil washed on shore. :(

3.Louisiana- There we visited two campuses of Healing Place Church and Miracle Place Church. We met some great people and visited John's very extended family.

4.Myrtle Beach - (sigh) We spent time with my Mom and Dad. This is where my heart caught up with my mind. I knew my parents were remarried...but to see them walk on the beach together with my boys picking up seashells... well, that might have been my favorite moment from our whole trip! :)

5. Our stay with the Batterson's- Bill and Amanda were such gracious hosts to our family of four. We said "thank you" a hundred times but it still doesn't express our gratitude properly. Best thing I can do is pray that their seed of service will bring them much fruit one day.

So, it was all wonderful, filled with fellowship and fun. But it was also busy with appointments, and visa renewal, and doctor visits and lots and lots of shopping.

But, now we are home. And it is home. We are settled now. After a week of cleaning up 7 weeks of dust and bugs and...(getting rid of the rats), and unpacking many trunk lockers, and getting used to sleeping 12 hours ahead of the US, we have started the next phase of our lives here in Thailand. John is studying language at a nearby college, Brayden is homeschooling (pray for me), and my Aslan is now in preschool.

Here or there it always seems to be both wonderful and busy.

Thanks for following. Please keep praying.

Shopping and Me

2010-04-29T00:17:00.000+07:00

I have been reintroducing myself to the American culture by endlessly shopping. The first thing to tackle on the long list was clothes for me and John since we came in to the states with meetings, and events, and speaking engagements already planned. We had a blast at all the TJMaxx, Ross, and Marshall type places. So fun when we usually have a $20 limit on each item.

I feel so vane...but having new clothes is so nice!!! It shouldn't make this much of a difference in how I feel but it does! At home in Thailand, when it is in the 100's and the makeup melts and the hair goes back or up by noon, and I am wearing the same old pilled, faded, stretched out clothes,...it's hard to feel pretty. Here, with new clothes, styled hair, and getting to wear makeup all day, I have been feeling so glamourous.

The boys needed new clothes too. But it just seemed so silly to buy them brand new full priced things when I know what life is like there. My children probably get as dirty in one day as your children would get in five days here in the states. Clothes get faded, stretched, torn, and stained much easier. So, when I had two friends come over with bags and boxes of clothes for both boys, I was in heaven! Maybe to them, it was as simple as passing down clothes that their son outgrew. But to me, it represented hundreds of dollars that we did not need to spend, it was countless hours driving around to different stores, and it was a check on a long and somewhat stressful list. They are really great clothes too! Praise God.

Some of my love-to-shop girlfriends would have a blast in my position. But I am the self proclaimed Walmart shopper, clearance racks and I have a love affair. So, shopping and spending a lot of money is not really fun for me. So lately whenever we get to the check out and I hear the grand total, I internally have a mini panic attack. Then I have to coach myself back into peace by saying over and over, "It's ok, you are stocking up for two years." And it's not just clothing we need, but toys, books, and homeschool supplies. It's harder to find things there and when you do, you can expect to pay about 3x the price for a lesser quality product. That too is hard on my cheap natured personality.

But every step of the way, God has always met our needs no matter big or small and usually in cool unexpected ways. I am just really thankful to have people that surround us and support us so much.

Finally...here...and happy!

2010-04-17T12:08:00.000+07:00

Finally, we are here in America and really happy! It only took a bus to Bangkok, 4 long plane rides, and 2 train rides to different airport terminals. Add in a few lay overs where we slept on the floor, and altogether, it was just about 48 hours of travel. Extremely long and tested our endurance, but isn't so much when you consider we are traveling to the other side of the earth.

Thanks for praying. The boys did so well. Brayden, bless his heart. He was just getting a cold at the beginning of our travels and couldn't hear himself speak. I had to laugh when he was shouting on the plane ride when everyone was sleeping but then I wanted to cry for him when he was in tears from the pain of the pressure from the descent on each and every one of the 4 flights. Poor guy. Even still he was a trooper -fighting a cold, walking briskly with several heavy bags with a blister on his toe with minimal complaining. Aslan was so good and patient, especially on the 10 hour flight! Really couldn't have asked for much better except teleporting. :) Ahh, that would be so nice.

We are mastering the art of international travel and can speed through the security check points with ease. Shoes off, bags on, computer and toiletries out, Aslan out, stroller up, walk through in 2.5 seconds. :) We have come a long way from the first time when I mistakenly dressed Aslan in jean overalls and had to strip him down at each security check because of all the stupid metal hooks. Glad we are learning. And the people in line behind us say "Amen".

Well, we are already enjoying our time in America. Still trying to get the jet lag thing under control. Until Aslan begins to sleep normally, we may all be walking around like foggy brained sleepy heads. The weather here is about 20+ degrees less than what we are used to and it is lovely. And since our region of Thailand is in a drought right now, everything here seems so green and beautiful. Been driving on the right again but it still seems so strange.

Bill and Amanda Batterson are hosting us and they have been such a blessing. The boys have a room and we have a room. Gift baskets of coloring books, crayons, markers, colored pencils and sidewalk chalk were placed next to their pillows. Another member of the church brought toys over for the boys. Our goodie basket had snacks and chocolates and a note that informed us that a member of the church got us (me and John) a hotel stay for a getaway at the end of the month. Amanda and Bill will keep the boys. :) Amanda had every toiletry under the sun arranged in a basket on the bathroom counter. They did so many things to welcome us and make us feel at home. Another family at church gave us a car to use and it was waiting in the driveway for us. So thankful and really humbled to receive so much. It's not so common that missionaries are taken care of as well as Freedom House Church takes care of us. Truly amazing. Really excited to see everyone Sunday when John preaches at 3 services. :)

ONE HOT MOMMA

2010-04-02T20:55:00.001+07:00

"Hurry, shut the door, the air con's on." We must say or hear this a hundred times a day. It's the hot season now. Been in the hundreds daily, very humid, barely a wind and full on sun. Heat index of 115 F. Even still the boys want to be outside, all day if they could. Aslan plays with bulldozers with his bin of rice that also acts as a bird feeder. :) He plays with his boats and fish in a water filled tub. He stays out all day in his underwear, saving me on extra laundry. Kind of funny that I let him do that. I would have never imagined ever becoming this chill. The "mai ben lai" got to me. :)

Brayden still rides his bike around the block despite the heat. His latest boredom buster has been to fill up empty egg shells with baby powder, tape them up and them throw them like grenades outside. I won't mind when this season passes because I am tired of delicately cracking the tip of every egg and letting it drain out. Today Brayden had me out in the noon sun with a piece of paper and a magnifying glass, trying to start a fire. Ain't happening. It could take up to 10 minutes and the sweat that was dripping off our noses on to the paper was making it near impossible. :) Besides, I am not sure I am wanting him to know how to do that just yet. :) Tomorrow, we will be cooking hot dogs in a pringles can in the sun. It should work just fine! :)

Our air con unit has been working extra hard set at 16 C (but it's not that cool), but we still need a fan blowing so we don't stick to our pleather sofa. ha ha. Kind of getting used to the oscillating fans blowing things around in the kitchen and making bread stale before you finish making the sandwich (no ac in there). My oversized easy bake oven doesn't get used so much when it's this hot. "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen." But on the flip side, the laundry dries fast. :)

I've been drinking near constantly but still I am thirsty. I have been tired, irritable and impatient....just ask the boys (all 3 of them). Couldn't imagine being pregnant in this weather, I feel for all the woman I see.

So, it really is a good time of year to be going to America. The hottest weeks are still ahead and we will be in Charlotte for hopefully Spring weather. Even if it's 88 degrees and everyone is talking of a heat wave, we will be enjoying every second of it. :)

Gotta go, the heat from the laptop on my legs is just too much! I am one hot momma. :)

Brayden Nikao

2010-03-22T13:50:00.000+07:00

In case you do not have a facebook account to see the latest photos of the boys. Here are some. We will see yall soon. :)

Aslan Judah

2010-03-22T13:39:00.000+07:00

So for all the family that does NOT have facebook (Cough *Mom and Dad*) to see updated photos of the boys, here ya go. Love yall and can't wait to see ya soon!

Choices are nice...

2010-03-20T19:48:00.000+07:00

So, we have been here one full year already. Hard to believe! The first six months went by slow, the last six months have gone by super fast.

I now fully know my way around the city. I drive aggressively while talking on the phone and beep my horn a lot, just like everyone else. I can get around and get whatever I need in Thai. Occasionally, I have a conversation completely in Thai on the phone and when I do, I am elated all day long. I, finally, not only like, but LOVE Som Tam (unripe Papaya salad) and wish to have it every day, if I could. My taste buds have accustomed themselves to 2 peppers instead of just the zero or 1/2 pepper that I could barely tolerate a year ago. I have mastered most unusual bathroom circumstances and I know that toilet paper is something that you never leave home without.

Although we have had some hardships this past year, I don't see them as anything unusual. Life is hard sometimes, no matter where you are. Even though, we moved 4 times, had a robbery, 4 fender benders, and an exploding windshield, and too many snakes in our yard,...I have never once banged my fists on John's chest in tears mad at him for bringing us here. I like being here.

But I did have a moment. It took a year, but finally, it hit me. It's the difference between being here and staying here. After the romance and the newness faded and I have seen it all (not that there is a lot to see), I realized that this is all it is. This is what life will look like... for a long time. This is all I will have to raise and homeschool my children. This is all the choices of toys I will have for my children. This is all the sizes and styles of clothing I will have to wear. The American ideal of options unlimited was finally dying and it was the more painful deaths. Choices are nice, but there are few here.

So....we will be making our first trip back to America here soon to renew our visas (mid April thru all of May). And I have BIG BIG plans to stock up on all the choices America has to offer us, starting from the inside out and bottom up. Everyone in the family will get new underwear, shoes, and clothes. Hopefully, enough to last us until our next visit back. Styles here are ruffle-ier and flower-ier than I care for and sizes are made to fit petite Asians. I am not...petite or Asian. :) Since clothes are hung outside to dry, clothes get misshaped and fade fast. Our homeschool needs an updated library or my little reader and next years school books. Since toys here are about 3 times more expensive, I will probably want to stock up on some surprises for future birthdays and/or Christmases. Even as I write this, I see the trunks adding up around us at the airport check in. Oh, John will love me for it. :) Traveling around the world with all that stuff is...oh, so fun! haha. And I am not one who really loves to shop. I can only imagine how the shopaholic would handle it all. I know some of my sista-friends who may want to lend me hand. :)

Thailand is my home, I live my life here, but I am still American and choices are nice.

Not Everything Can Be Stolen

2010-03-19T17:08:00.000+07:00

Not too long ago, I heard a story about a good friend of ours who was serving as a missionary. Physical conditions in this area were pretty challenging and the schedule he kept was non-stop. Sometimes, he would preach and teach 7 and 8 times a day, everyday. As a single guy who is very passionate about Jesus, he was loving every second of it!

His bank contacted him about some suspicious ATM activity going on with his account. He thought for sure they must be mistaken. He had his ATM card with him and it never left his possession the whole time. As the story unraveled, he learned that his friend and ministry partner betrayed him and was taking his card out of his wallet during the night as he slept. This happened several nights without him knowing. By the time he realized what was going on he lost close to $1000 USD. That's a lot! His "friend" was confronted, he finally confessed and then fled to another city. Our friend was anguished. Being a missionary, he knew and understood that every cent that was stolen was not his, but God's, to be used for the ministry. AND these funds were given by Christians who love and care for him and support his work. He realized that it wasn't just him that was the victim.

I recognized those same feelings from back in July when we had a break in at our house. Our video camera, 2 Ipods (new), a cellphone, credit cards, and cash ...oh, and John's flip flops were all stolen while we were upstairs sleeping. Once the creepy feeling of knowing that someone was in our house while we slept went away, we began to miss the things that were gone. The cash that was taken was a gift from a missions team from Hawaii that we had just hosted. It was equivalent to $100 USD, it was in my purse, still in an envelope from the night before when we got it. I hated that loss even more than our other losses. It was so obvious that the robbers took from the goodness in the heart of the missions team. I hadn't yet seen that money as ours, it was still theirs and it was gone.

Then John reminded me that some of those things that we had stolen were also purchased by money given to us to be missionaries. Money given to us to move, live and serve here. Money that we had used to purchase ministry related items....and they were now stolen. Taken not only from us but from all the people who gave support. That made me ill.

After suffering this loss, it was natural for us to want to guard our possessions and money more carefully. But as we did that, we also had to be careful to guard your heart against being tight and withholding some of those things that God gave us to give to others. The enemy came to steal "stuff"from us, but we couldn't let our joy and generosity go with it. Some things can't be stolen, only given away.

When God started to speak to us about giving big to a local pastor's project, we knew it was a test. Were we going to hold on to the rest we had or give it away? Being obedient in that felt so good. It took the our attention off all that we lost and focused it on building the Kingdom. A much better perspective, one that God loves and the devil hates.

As for our missionary friend, his loss took the wind from his sails for a minute, but he is doing well now and moving full steam ahead! No matter what, we will all be OK. God is greater and He always provides. I just feel sorry for the one who take from God and His people.

Brayden's Birthday

2010-03-10T14:38:00.002+07:00

Seven years ago, I became a mommy. I can't believe my Brayden is already 7!

Under 7 pounds at birth, he is now 72 pounds and 4 foot 2 1/2. Unreal! And he has an appetite of 2 grown men. His new favorite foods are sushi, dimsum, and luk chin. He prefers sticky rice, som tam, and salted fish over pizza! Crazy! He is quick to learn just about anything, mentally and physically. He is reading and writing Thai at a 1st grade level because he studies 5 hours a week. Then he has his English homeschool to do, then he does TaeKwonDo about 3 days a week. He is now a yellow belter. He is quite disciplined for being so young and I am really proud of my little man. He has adjusted well to our new life here. The hardest thing for him to overcome which he is still working on is being bored or lonely because of the lack of friends. Hoping that more doors of opportunity will open for him this next year.

Last year's birthday, his 6th, was a bit of a disappointment for Brayden. We moved to Thailand less than week before and he didn't really know anyone yet. We were pretty limited in what we could bring anyway, so stocking up with presents wasn't an option. So, I think he was in culture shock and just missing America and all his friends.

All year long, Brayden has mentioned that this next birthday was going to be his "golden" birthday because he was turning 7 on the 7th. While riding his scooter on our driveway, he would daydream about all the things that he would get for his birthday. The list kept growing and it was quite unrealistic. I love to celebrate my children, but getting a 7 year a Titanic replicated remote control ship that cost a few hundred dollars was not gonna happen. Sorry.

As his expectation grew for what would be, I feared his disappointment would too when all his wild imaginations did not come to pass. I shared with him of a few times in my life where my expectations for an event were so high, almost unattainable that it set me up to be let down no matter what. And then it caused me to forget to be thankful for what good did happen.

Well, it ended up being a great birthday for him anyway. He was celebrated for nearly a week. Missionary friends from another city came in with their children and we went swimming, played video games, went to the new mall, rode bikes around the lake. We had fun. His favorite cake was made and we sang Happy Birthday to him on Saturday the 6th. Sunday on his actual birthday, we took him to a really cool new restaurant that had a boiling pot of water in the center of the table and you could make your own soup by grabbing plates of ingredients from a conveyer belt that snaked around the room. It was interesting, Then after our church service on sunday afternoon, we had cake for everyone at church to sing to him too. Then again on Tuesday, his birthday was recognized at TaeKwonDo when I brought in brownies and chocolate chip cookies at the end of class.

All the Thai kids at TaeKwonDo were amazed that I made it myself. Even though my oven is just a puffy-sized Easy Bake, it still is a luxury because few Thai's even own an oven. About 20 Thai kids sang to Happy Birthday to him in English with strong accents. I just love hearing kids call him..."Badin". I know it's not really his name but it's cute. I guess it's better than Brayclen, which is what they were trying to call him at first because someone misread or mistyped "Brayden" on the roster. :)

So Brayden has now celebrated 2 of his 7 birthdays here in Thailand...with many more to come.

On The Way Home

2010-02-27T09:30:00.000+07:00

As a part of our multiple entry visa requirement, every three months we have to drive to the border of Thailand and Laos. It's about a 3 hour trip each way, but the actual crossing takes only an hour. We just have to get a stamp to leave Thailand, enter Laos, the turn around and leave Laos and get stamped back in to Thailand. It's not hard. It's just a long day of travel. Since the children are not required to do this, we usually keep them with a friend back in Khon Kaen.

On our way back to our city, all of a sudden we heard a loud sound and instantly our windshield was shattered. So shattered that it was impossible to see out of it, like into a thousand pieces, no exaggeration. John nervously pulled over to off the busy highway. We quickly got out of the car because we could still hear it continuously cracking. It felt like it could caved in at any second. Thankfully, it was that safety glass.

We were so glad that this happened only 10 kilometers outside of the city because we had friends nearby to help. If this had happened a couple hours earlier, we could have been stuck. I am also super glad that the boys were not in the car with us, this way we only had to calm ourself down. :)

I have never seen or heard of anything like this happening. There was no evidence of any point of contact with something that caused this. It was instant. Really strange.

In circumstances like this, I remember that people are praying for us, and I am so glad. And when I think of what thinks could be like if NO ONE prayed, it's alarming. So thank you and keep on!

Living the Dream

2010-01-21T14:46:00.004+07:00

Being light hearted is a good thing... both for you and for others.

My husband has recently been more light hearted and it's been so good. Finally being and doing all the things that have been trapped in his heart for such a long time has brought him so much joy... and I love it. I love seeing him beam with excitement about researching possibilities, meeting new people, networking together, sharing ideas. He says things like, "For this is the reason I have come." :) It's true. He is feeling so satisfied.

Aside from my own joy and peace that comes from me being truly content in where God has us, I rejoice at the change in my husband. It really is part of my dream to see him fulfill his.

The sacrifices of this type life can be seen as a lot to others. And even before we came here, they seemed pretty daunting. But really, the sacrifices are so minute in comparison to all the blessing.

Ok, so we gave up the American dream and the cute little white house with black shutters on the cul-de-sac, but we have a nice safe place here. And we traded in our 2 nice cars for a 95 Nissan Sunny (also gave up the car payments (: ) . We left family and friends but have been blessed with social networking sites and skype. My children no longer have frequent playdates at Monkey Joe's, but they have really cool experiences like feeding the elephants. :) They may not get to play in organized supports but they will get to work on ministry teams bringing the gospel into an unreached village. I don't have a dryer or a dishwasher and my refrigerator is itty bitty, but it's really not a big deal. I am not my appliances. I am certainly not known for my cooking abilities. :)

All these are trade offs. A sacrifice for a pleasure. It all comes out in the wash. BUT...then to have the reward of a fulfilled husband and and joyful father of your children...you just can't get that anywhere other than the will of God! And it's so good!

I am loving life. I am humbled, blessed and privledged. And I just love seeing my husband living the dream!

Writer's Block Sucks

2010-01-21T14:15:00.004+07:00

I used to be able to blog once a day. I had enough going on in my mind and heart to do so easily. I still do, I just don't have the freedom of expression like I used to have.

I have become way too aware of my audience and it's been "mai dee"... umm, "not good". I am over thinking everything.

Oh, if I say this, then this person will think this. If I say that, another person could think something else. If I don't mention this, this way then they could think...!

Ouu, yuck! That is a writer's nightmare. Talk about stomping the gift.

I am going to breaking out soon. I am going to do that whole "dance like no one's watching" thing when it comes to my writing. Who knows, it could make jaws drop and heads turn. I will put myself in the danger zone of possibly being misunderstood. But I think that's a far better place to be in then being silenced and say nothing.

I have been pent up and frustrated verbally. Been too aware, but soon will not care!

Originally, this blog was intended for me. I would have wrote if no one read any of it. I need to get back there.

Beauty is...

2010-01-07T01:51:00.005+07:00

In America, we see beauty as being thin, well no...super thin. In the summer, we desire to tan our light skin to look more beautiful, even to our own harm. American youth get braces on their teeth so they can have a beautiful smile. We will spend hundreds to go 2 shades lighter on our teeth, all in the quest for beauty. Cosmetic surgery of all kinds are now common. We buy lots and lots of products to be and stay beautiful.

In Thailand, people cover themselves head to toe in 100 degree heat to keep their skin from getting dark by the sun, because light skin is beautiful. Sometimes it's hard to find facial cleansers or lotions that do not have lightening/whitening agents. Thai youth think braces on their teeth look cool. Often they get them on for no reason other than to accessorize. Fake braces are still being sold even though I read an article of a teenage girl being poisoned to death by them.

My Nigerian friend recently shared with me that being bigger or fatter in her country is more beautiful. It means they are wealthy and are able to eat in abundance. She mentioned how she wishes she could gain weight in her shoulders and neck because she thinks it's ugly that her clavicle bone can be seen.

Doesn't matter what country or culture you are from, beauty is desired. It is just defined differently. It just seems to me that overall, we all are wanting something we do not naturally have. Like who we are is just not good enough. Could that be viewed as us telling God He made a mistake and messed up when He made us since we are not "beautiful"? I just don't think that anything that causes us to look at ourself and not like what we see could be good for us. Or one step further, could our extreme passion and desire beauty be a plot or scheme of the enemy to have us despise God's creation? After all, we are made in His image.

Dove has done a really cool video, you may have already seen it. If not, here ya go. Click here.

Although each country has it's view on beauty, there is one way that beauty can be seen in any culture.

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

-Proverbs 31:30

Big Snake

2009-12-09T23:10:00.006+07:00

Yesterday morning, Brayden was outside playing when I heard a scream. I ran from the kitchen to the front to take a look. And I what I first saw out the window was startling. The security guard was in our yard. I saw him beating something with a broom. I put Brayden's scream and this sight together and for a split second I wondered if he was hitting Brayden. Then I saw the snake! Long and black. This particular security guard was actually doing his job rather than sleeping and as he passed our house on his bike, he saw this snake slither into our yard. Brayden nearly stepped on it as the guard was shout in Thai to warn him. As Brayden ran down the street in fear, the guard came through our gate and saved the day! It was a six foot Thai Lion snake and not poisonous.

Poor Brayden, his heart was pounding out of his chest for a while. John had to pray over him and comfort him. This wasn't the first run in with a snake. We had one on our door step of our last house and Brayden also discovered that one. It was smaller but poisonous.

I am glad that this happened the day before John left for his two week ministry trip rather than a day or so later. We live close to a lake with a lot of vegation. We see dead flattened snakes on the road often. I like when they die before making it to the other side of the street by my house!

Many Isaan people eat snake and so we wonder what ever became of the six footer. We did see the guard later making sticky rice. Hmm.

Aslan's BIG BOY Hair Cut

2009-12-07T22:08:00.003+07:00

This is Aslan before the hair cut celebrating our city's first mall opening, completely clueless about what is to come.

When we get home the torture begins, for him, for us, and the whole neighborhood.

I just love this picture. He is so pitiful looking. We were only cutting his hair!

Ahh, there's my BIG BOY! I can see your eyes, your face, and all of your many expressions that seemed hidden under all that hair. It's a good thing. You won't be so sweaty, showers won't take as long, and maybe Mommy will start treating you like a BIG BOY instead of her baby. :)

My Heart is Bursting

2009-11-22T05:57:00.006+07:00

Ahh! Where do I begin?

Guess how my day started? I woke up around 3am on purpose, got all dolled up, stacked up books to prop my computer higher, arrange a comfy spot on the couch and did a video and sound check for skype. Then I "went" to a wedding in America while I was here in Thailand. This wasn't just any wedding though. My Mom and Dad got married ...again!!! I was a sobbing mess, I knew I would be. It was wonderful, amazing, incredible, fantastic, awesome, miraculous and every other overused and misused word out there! But truly. My heart is bursting. It was my wildest dream and greatest hope and to see it happen was just... (sigh) no words.

My family has been through a lot over the years, ups and downs, and ins and outs. Even though having gone "through" these things and even having "overcome", there were still places of the heart where there was still hurt. I realize that now because as I watched my parents just moments ago, I felt God's healing in my own life. I can't imagine what it was like for them. Restoration is so amazing.

I am so. incredibly. happy. for my mom. It has been years since I have seen her happy. It blesses me so to see a woman who has done nothing but pour herself out for others her whole life get the very thing that she desires! This last season of her life has been challenging. Her and my dad have been divorced 8 years, her youngest son died suddenly nearly 3 years ago, her mother was in a nursing home for several years before passing away in March. It has been a time of loss. I just love to see her smile for her... not just for the on-going lives of her children and grandchildren, but for her! My mom has never stopped loving my dad, never dated or considered another during all this time. I love seeing her be rewarded for that in this life!

My Dad and I have had our own bumpy road. For years we were not on speaking terms, he did not attend my wedding, we ignored each other at my brother's wedding, but we finally reconciled when Brayden was 2 1/2. And ever since, we have been building a relationship that is stronger than ever before. To see him go through the death of my brother was near torturous for me. Although it is was an awful and terrible thing that happened in our family, at least I see that good things can come after it. To see my parents together and happy is so beautiful to me.

John and I began our journey to Thailand shortly after my brother death. It seemed like really bad timing. My family was already grieving and then I was going to move with 2 grandsons half way around the world. It was like another thing to grieve. I was so heavy hearted about this while we were in decision. I so needed to make sure I was doing the "right thing". It stretch my faith and trust in God. My mom and I were both children of God. Surely, He (God) wouldn't ask me to do something that would devastate her. So painful, but I had to believe that He had a plan for her. And indeed He did! These two people -I love and care about them -I have always been concerned about their future. Well, each of them were the answer to my prayer for the other! Double whammy!

Today on the heels of this "awe"some family event, John will be preach at The River a message on "Restoration"! God wants to restore all that has been lost, stolen, and destroyed in our lives. ("God is so good" sigh).

Well, it's close to 7am here in Thailand and 7pm in America. As my parents celebrate with dinner and cut of the cake, me and my family will also eat cake...for breakfast! Come on, it's a miracle we are celebrating! Gotta do something unusual! The boys are gonna love me! :)

Brayden's Taekwondo

2009-11-18T21:28:00.005+07:00

This is Brayden doing his Taekwondo after only ONE day of class. He's been through five two hour classes now and loves it. He's meeting new Thai friends, getting his energy out, and learning alot about self-discipline.

M-M-M-My Melissa

2009-11-16T10:08:00.007+07:00

Melissa is more than my friend, not quite my daughter, kind of like my sister. Sometimes I don't know how to refer to her other than "My Melissa". She was once my neighbor and then became our roommate so she could finish her senior year of high school. She knew me during life's craziest moments- planning our exploratory trip, fixing and packing and selling everything we owned, and she still loves me!!! The girl who desired to finish high school is now a grown woman and a sophomore at UNCC- Charlotte. I am so super proud of her and all that she has set out to do and accomplish! She is quiet and reserved and would never tell you how awesome she is even if you asked her. I have been missing her a lot lately. Please if you see this girl around at Freedom House Church, make sure you tackle her with a hug for me!

For more about Melissa, read these posts.

Red Light Relationship

2009-11-14T14:51:00.005+07:00

At some major intersections in our city, people walk through the stopped cars and sell flowers. These flowers are typically used as offerings on spirit houses but can also be given to people to show honor or for special holidays.

These people are in the hot bright sun all day. Even though it's 100 degrees they still cover up with a jacket, hat and some type of covering their faces to avoid burning their skin. They were quite a site to our eyes when we first arrived here, but now we are used to it. This one particular sweet lady always comes up to tap on our window and look in at the boys. She tells us how cute they are even though Aslan would scream in fear at the site of her. He has adapted and now he wai's and says "Sawatdeecop". We love this lady and pray for her that she would be blessed with salvation... and a better job.

Since it's a 120 second red light, I often find myself stopped at this main intersection. If this sweet lady looks in to see that their are no children in the car, she asks about them. Her and I have built a relationship through dozens of red lights.
Last time I saw her, she asked for my phone number. I was able to give it to her just as the light turned green. Then she gave me one of her flowers that was she selling! So now hung on my review mirror is a necklace of tiny flowers that make the car smell of jasmine...a gift from my friend. :)

We are still praying for her and looking forward to the time when we can have her over for dinner. When God gives me his heart for someone and then when she boldly asks for my phone number, it makes me wonder what He is up to!!!

Finally A Home

2009-11-06T21:25:00.003+07:00

Ahh, finally a home. It's only our fourth place since arriving in Thailand 8 months ago. The first place was a temporary 400 sqft apartment that only lasted a month (Thank God), then we stayed at the Hughes' home while they were in America for 3 months, then when we searched high and low for another house, we were blessed with a big beautiful, fully furnished home. It was esthetically pleasing to the eye but very formal. It was nice to not have to purchase a single thing when we moved in there BUT because nothing belonged to us, it still did not feel like "our place". The idea of moving again (move #28 in the last 14 months) was so unattractive to me, but it was necessary.

Unlike our last place, this new home does not have a spirit house. Also, before we lived here, the home belonged to our worship leader. What a difference both of those factors make. What a refreshing change from our last place. With all the spiritual warfare outside, the home has to be a refuge. We would rather live in a smaller place with peace, that's for sure.

We have done a few needed things to the place. A fresh coat of paint in the color of our choice went a long way. Everything is now bright and clean. We also had to make a few "small" purchases -like beds, a sofa, and kitchen cabinets. Yep, it's pretty common to have to buy a kitchen. So with our own things, photos of the family scattered through the house, Aslan's art work stuck on the refrigerator with ABC magnets, Brayden's toys left in tripable places, and a wireless internet connection (sigh).....it FINALLY feels like home.

Lighthearted Randomness

2009-09-12T22:00:00.004+07:00

I have been a bit heavy hearted in my posts lately so...here ya go. Some lighthearted randomness

I ask Brayden..."Where are your manners?" just after he attempts to burp his abc's. His answer..."I left them in America."

Aslan's learning his abc's and sounds and it keeps him from sleeping at night...to busy reciting them all.

Aslan reminds me so much of my brother Dean. I love watching him line up his matchbox cars and then move them all six inches ahead at a time. He says to the next car, "Come on, let's go."

I love my computer. I bless it to keep working until I am ready and I refuse to hate it even though it erases what I write. I need nine more lives!

Ever since I have found out about needing to move again, I have been hardly housekeeping. Not a great idea since now I have 4 more weeks. Sorry guys. Worse part is the evidence that geckos live with us.

Realizing that I favor the color schemes of brown and blue...in like every room. Whatever will I do if I no longer like it anymore?

Really excited about having my kitchen table be an old door with glass on top. (something I have been wanting for a long time). Behold, I stand at the door and knock, if any man hears my voice and opens to me, I will come in and eat with him. That makes me happy.

Brayden wants to interview for a show on history channel about Asia to be their host. :) And he is so serious.

Went to the lake to ride bikes and John's powder pink rental bike!, it's handle bars snapped. He had to put the handle bars in the front basket and awkwardly walk it back. Humility lesson? We were already being stared at for being a full farung family. But that was funny.

Worked on our schedule today, after seeing all the overlapping colored blocks on the screen, we realized that MAYBE that could be why we have been a bit stressed lately. :) Working on that.

Thinking about signing Brayden up for karate to help him get his boy energy. All he can think about is breaking a board and getting a trophy. I am just wondering if teaching him how to kick and hit will be a good idea with his strength.

Been craving baked macaroni and cheese, but I have no oven. :( ...for brownies, for cookies, for... I plan to get one for the new house. Happy again.

A big big mall is coming to our city in December and I am getting very excited about having convienences so close by. There will be a ToysRus there and Brayden thinks that God made that happen just for him. :)

Instead of pizza, Brayden asks for sticky rice and papaya salad. Turning Thai. You should hear him read! (trying not to be jealous)

Emotional Rollercoaster...the ride is over!

2009-09-04T15:22:00.004+07:00

I can't tell you what an emotional roller coaster the last couple weeks have been -move, not move, move in 10 days, then give us 4 days longer. Looking like crazy for houses, finding nothing safe, suitable and available. Feeling the insecurity of not knowing where we will live in a just a few days. Thinking through what life would look like if we had to return to that 400 sq.ft. apartment we had stayed at initially. That was stressful. With a 2 year old, a homeschooling second grader, and both John and I studying language with a tutor that comes to the home 5 days a week, that apartment wouldn't work well.

We have found something that might work but the timing wasn't working out. Our friends, Petter and Jenny, missionaries from Sweden are needing to return to Sweden to have a surgery. Their house would become available once they left Thailand October 13th. It is in the same neighborhood that we wanted to live in, the one where our Pastors from Khon Kaen International live. This way Brayden and Aslan would have friends close by. The only way we could pursue this home was if we did indeed live in that apartment for 6 weeks! (Ugh...I would so hate that.) Then, we talked to our landlady and asked if we could possibly stay longer. We were surprised that she quickly and easily said "yes". What a relief! So a move is not needed for 6 more weeks and then it will be to a place already known and established! This is a big deal!

What is also a big deal is that there has been some clearing of the air with our landlady Ae. The day we had our last meeting, that ended up terribly, she brought two ladies from the front office of our neighborhood to translate English/Thai. Through them, Ae either misunderstood or was misinformed about what John was saying. So all this time, our landlady has been confused and angry at something we did not even say. I think having the business agenda of her interpreters could have been the cause. The home office could have benefited twice from our dispute, once to find new renters here and second to find us a new place to stay. Although we still can not agree on the spirit house issue, it does feel good to have a workable relationship restored with Ae. I just couldn't make sense of it all if God led us here to this home, and getting robbed and having an unresolved falling out were the only outcomes.

So thank you all for praying. God worked it all out. We have peace and we will not be homeless. :) The emotional roller coaster is over.

Changing

2009-08-29T22:20:00.002+07:00

Being in another culture for an extended amount of time is so eye opening. Not only have I learned a lot about how and why the Thai people live the way they do, but it has also shed light on someone of things about my own culture that I never noticed before. Many of the things I could say are "the right thing" to do are not necessarily biblical or even moral, but are beliefs I have adapted from being in the American culture so long.

I am getting to learn a lot about myself, questioning if that is my own personal belief or is that a cultural adaptation to America. And could this way about me change once I am soaked in a different way of life for a time? What is changeable? What is not? So some of things I believed in (and perhaps even prided myself for having that belief), may all change. At 33 years old, I am still getting to know myself and what makes me tick. I think traveling even a little is a great way to broaden someone's life perspective. Getting to live and function in another culture has been one of the more maturing processes I have ever endured as an adult. Mainly, because you have to become like a child all over again. It's wonderful to feel yourself grow and change especially once you thought you knew it all and had it all together.

Understanding more how big God must be if we are all made in His image yet are so different. Yet any country I have ever been to, you can still see how much the same.

Think someone ought to require a long term cross cultural experience for everyone, it's a pretty humbling experience...which is good.

Move Where He Moves

2009-08-24T22:37:00.004+07:00

Our landlady is breaking our lease agreement and wants us out of the house September 2nd...like in a week. After debating on wether or not to resist or fight her on it, we are choosing to follow peace and peace would lead us out of a binding agreement with her. This house is beautiful and wonderful and a huge blessing as it saved us a lot lot lot of money in start up costs by being completely furnished. However, since arriving here, it has been one thing after another - no water up stairs, only half of the electricity (even still), bill collectors visiting our home several times a week looking for our landlady, the robbery ordeal, the accusation that we caused the break in because we moved the spirit house. It has been more distracting than peaceful, unfortunately.

I am struggling to walk away from the situation because it has seemed quite fruitless (so far anyway). You know, you pray about something, feel peace, make a decision, rejoice in God's provision, ...then you get robbed, get misunderstood, and asked to leave and it makes me wonder...."Did we miss God on this one?" I know in my heart we didn't, I am just trying to find the good that will come of it that I don't quite see just yet. I may never know and I need to become ok with that.

This a picture of the spirit house that used to sit at the corner of our property. When our landlady lived here, she would appease the spirit that live on her land with offerings like incense, flowers, drinks, and food. She felt that by doing that her spirits protect her and give her good luck. Well, we didn't need the protection of her spirits, we brought the Holy Spirit with us and He delights only in seeing Jesus glorified. So we removed the thing that didn't bring glory to God. Now our landlady is displeased and blaming our moving of the spirit house on the "bad luck" she feels she is having all the way in Bangkok six hours away.

So we will leave this home that we saw as God's provision and answer to prayer and trust that we are blessed coming in and going out. That God will provide here or somewhere else. We just need it to be speedy since a week is a very short amount of time to find a home and buy essential furnishings. I thought this was our last move for a while. I think what I dread the most is all the cleaning that has to be done when you first move in to a place.I just got done doing all that.

Trying to keep our eyes on Jesus and move where He moves...even if it is to the 28th place in 13 months.

When Flexibilty Comes in Handy

2009-08-17T14:29:00.003+07:00

Thursday afternoon's, our church meets at the ladies prison to hold a weekly service. The prison is a huge warehouse with a hundred and fifty or so woman working at various stations -cooking, sewing, ironing, making nets, styling hair, etc. In the center there is a small room with a two fans where we usually meet. Well, this last week that room was unavailable for us. We asked if we could go to the back by the tub, there would be room enough for us plus the twenty or so prisoners.

It was one of those times where flexibility was coming in real handy. We sat on flattened cardboard boxes and a few rice mats because the floor was wet. On one side of us was the cistern or tub that the ladies use for taking bucket baths and washing dishes and clothes...and all that activity was going on at the time. To the side of us about ten feet were about 6 toilets without doors...which were also being used at the time. Inmates have to complete their chores before attending the church service or they will not get their meal ticket. Because this one lady took about a half hour on the toilet, we were wondering if going to the bathroom was her excuse just so she could attend. :) They sent a guard to oversee our meeting but she took a seat in a broken barber shop chair and fell asleep. We were in the full on sun with no fans and it was incredibly hot.

Belle, our Thai interpreter and worship leader, had lost her voice and asked some of the older disciples to help her lead the songs. They did a great job. Unashamedly, they sang very loud and curious others peaked around to see what was going on. Not being in the room allowed many more to see and hear what goes on at the meetings.

Even with all the distraction and motion of people walking all around us, making noise and being busy, Jenny, a missionary from Sweden, did an amazing job at holding the inmates attention. I could tell that it was challenging to remain focused as she taught, but she kept herself together and because she did many women were ministered to and learned that with The Holy Spirit, your Christian walk is an adventure. Woman who had already been saved and baptized prayed to be able to hear the Holy Spirit more and more each day. And new believers prayed to receive the Holy Spirit for the first time. It was an unusual but blessed meeting.

I learned the values of being flexible and not giving up when God has opened a door, even it is a small window of opportunity. They weren't the best of conditions but we made it work and woman were blessed. When you hear an inmate say..."If you didn't come here and teach me about Jesus, I would have died. Now I have something to live for.", preaching next to the toilets and seeing people bathe in the background is no excuse to cancel.

Cure for the Funk: Fun with Friends

2009-08-10T21:32:00.003+07:00

I have been suffering from a severe case of writer's block. Guess I didn't realize just how much the wind was taken from our sails with the robbery and all the drama that followed. We have been managing some fear and taking some extreme measures...we even lock the boys inside their rooms at night. Then we also had to deal with accusations that the reason we were robbed was because we moved the spirit house from the corner of the property. So, it's been a bit of a whirlwind around here and I haven't been too interested in writing all about it.

But this past weekend, we had some missionary friends visit from another city. It was the first time we hosted guests since we moved in to our new house. We had a blast. With their 4 kids and our 2, plus 4 adults, we had a full house. It was great -full of life and activity. Just didn't realize how much we were needing some encouraging fellowship until we got it. Nothing like fun with friends to get you out of a funk. We have known the Lovorn's for years, went to bible school with them, Sandy and I were pregnant together, we have two sets of boys the same age, and now we also share the experience of being a missionary in Thailand. It was so good to talk with someone who understands this season in life. We were so sad when we took them to the bus station today...especially Brayden. :( But even though they left, they left us feeling refreshed. God has provided everything we needed to thrive here, even friends for the whole family. Feeling extremely blessed as we end this day.

All I Can Do is Pray

2009-08-01T20:40:00.004+07:00

After writing this post, we received so many emails of people encouraging us and letting us know that they are praying for us. It really is a comforting thought knowing that while we are sleeping here in Thailand, people are praying over there in the states. (11 hour time difference) We definitely feel the intensity of spiritual warfare increasing, so it's time to step it up in prayer too. Karb khun ma na kah. Thank you so much.

Since the robbery, we take locking up so much more seriously. John walked around the house and did a mock "break in". Unfortunately, we discovered just how easy it was and it was concerning. With little effort or noise, John was able to jiggle and tug on the window and it came unlocked! The window is loose in the track of the frame and it gives enough room to unlatch. The windows are fixed now and we are feeling much better.

Now we are beginning to miss our belongings. We are realizing just how much we used those things. Technology is a funny thing. Ultimately, we don't need it but it has become so useful in communication and expression that without it, we feel lost. I can't tell you how many times I have made mention of how I wanted to take a picture of this or that, but....oh yeah, we can't.

Some have mentioned how they wish they could do more to help us, but financially they are unable to and that all they can do is pray. Well, we don't take your prayers lightly and neither should you. We need them and feel them. It has been our desire to come here but to also take other people with us. So, when you sow into us by praying, you are coming along for the ride too. We love that. "All I can do is pray" shouldn't be said like it's a small thing.

We've Been Robbed

2009-07-27T13:01:00.005+07:00

Well, Monday started out very interesting. We noticed when we woke up this morning that there was a lot of commotion our at our neighbor Noon's house. John was trying to get out the door to go pick up the car we had just purchased (95 Nissan Sunny). He was doing his classic, "Babe, where's my...". This time he was looking for his flip flops. I answered with my typical "Well, where did you leave them?" Pretty normal Monday morning so far.

As he was about to leave, Noon was outside our gate telling us that last night someone stole her motorcycle while she was sleeping. They managed to get inside her home, took the key, locked back up (?) and took her bike. She also said that John our other neighbor had his Mac Notebook taken. Noon's husband is often away on business and she stays home alone with her 2 children. I felt so bad for her, thinking how scary that would be knowing that someone was in your home as you slept and your husband was gone.

John was just about to leave but wanted to grab his Ipod first. He went in and looked everywhere but couldn't find it. But John not finding something at first attempt is nothing to be concerned about. :) He looked over by his desk and noticed that his video camera was also gone. We also had been robbed and where just finding out. I went to get my phone out of my purse, but it was not there. Also, my Ipod was gone as well a some cash and our two bank cards. The bank cards were our immediate concern. They are our lifeline here. By the time we cancelled them, the forensic police were here to dust for prints. They hung out on our street for most of the morning.

This is my first experience being robbed. It's a yucky feeling. Yeah, it sucks that we lost things and cash but to me the worst feeling was knowing that someone was in my home while me and my family were sleeping. We have the air conditioning units running in the bedrooms at night so with the hum, we don't hear much. The cash that was taken from my purse was still in an envelope. It was given to us as an offering from the Hawaii missions team. I hate that. But really anything or any money stolen is offerings from others. The video camera can be replaced but the video tape inside the camera had precious footage of new believers being baptized. I hate that so much.

So now the dust has settled (literally) and I have a lot of cleaning up to do from the forensic team. I am calming down a very upset 6 year old who also feels unsettled that our house was broken into. I had to laugh today when Brayden looked at his ceramic spiderman piggy bank and said, "Whew, I am so glad they didn't take that!" I am so grateful that they didn't take our computers. We have got wireless internet but it doesn't work. It only works when we are plugged in upstairs in the bedroom. So both laptops where sleeping on our nightstands safe and sound. If we had a wireless connection that worked, both would have been at the desk next to the video camera and stolen as well. So Praise God our internet connection hasn't worked well.

It's hard not to let the events and the emotions of the day overshadow the happiness and excitement that we have a car now. But we are excited, a little subdued in our expression but still excited. As of today, we have a home and a car of our own! That's a big deal.

P.S. Forgot to mention that those flip plops John was going crazy looking for...they were also stolen. Brown leather Gap flip flops are either impossible to find here or outrageously expensive in Bangkok. Sorry John, I thought you just misplaced something again...turns out they were taken too!

Missions Team From Hawaii

2009-07-21T20:40:00.003+07:00

This week were are hosting a missions team from Hawaii. They have been pretty busy since they arrived on Saturday night. Sunday they ministered to three different congregations. Monday they visited 2 schools and had assemblies for almost 600 kids and then ended the night with a village outreach.The rest of the week will be spent ministering at a children's HIV orphanage, a woman's rehab, doing service projects and more outreaches. I have always loved going on missions trips but I enjoy them from a much different perspective now that I am a missionary. As I am growing more in my love for the Thai people, I am even more grateful that people have purposed, prepared and planned to minister to the people the city and in the villages.

A woman from the team shared a very powerful testimony and it has stayed with me for the last couple of days. Her story went like this: She grew up in a Christian home but as a teenager decided to go her own way. She married an unbeliever. She thought having a husband and children would make her fulfilled, but it didn't. She eventually got right with God but her husband did not. He was an angry, jealous and abusive man. One day he took a knife to her, stabbed her several times and started to cut her neck. She said as this was happening, she knew she wasn't going to die because God had been speaking to her about going on a missions trip. So she had to live to fulfill that plan. When he left her bleeding, she got up and phoned for help. All she could think of and pray during those moments were, "God, forgive me and forgive my husband." Because of the incident, her husband was sentenced to 20 years in prison (15 more to go). She chose to stay with him despite all the advice from her friends. Her husband got radically saved in jail and now is active in the prison church. She is a single mother of 2 teenagers and is waiting for a long time until her husband gets out of prison.

It was such a testimony of the supernatural grace to forgive even in the worst circumstances. Of how God can take something awful and make it beautiful. I spoke with her afterward and she said that she always gets nervous just before she shares her story. She feels people's judgment for staying with him, even believers. But she also knows that unforgiveness makes people bound and if she can share of how God has helped her forgive her husband then hopefully others will be open to forgive other people in their life. It was hard not to notice the scar across her neck as she and I talked. (wow)

I love thinking about what lengths God goes through to get people's attention. The life of a single mother in Hawaii to unreached people in Thailand. I loved seeing the ladies of the team worship God with a hula dance. I love thinking about how cool heaven will be with every culture bringing their sound and style. I love the instant unity among believers. Thank you Hawaii team for ministering to everyone here, including me.

Coffee Shopping it!

2009-07-08T14:27:00.003+07:00

Hello world.

I am back. Out of the clouds of dust and spider webs. I laugh, because just before moving in, I was having this incredible desire to clean. I just couldn't wait to know that every nook was done to my standards. Well, good thing. It was awful! When the landlady said she was going to leave everything, she wasn't kidding. Her belongings were still in closets and drawers. So first we had to pack her stuff up. Whew, glad it's done. It's so pretty. I think it was the best birthday gift ever...to finally have a house (happy sigh). Our 4th of July here was hardly recognized. Well, we did celebrate our "freedom" by unpacking all those conticos. You know those big plastic black trunks that I love to hate and hate to love. I use them no more and its wonderful!

Just want to thank everyone for the many many birthday wishes. I haven't checked email in a week (yes, it was hard). Just didn't realize how much I use the net for until I had no ability. My inbox had never been so full. Not only with b-day greetings but with people encouraging me about homeschooling and saying over exaggerated things about me like...that I was amazing and stuff. thanks. God's grace is sufficient. I am sure you are all doing things that amaze me too because I really am not called to do anything but be here right now. I have never had such peace and enjoyment about life. Praise God.

The house we live in had an altar at the top of the stairs in the hallway. We took that down as well as some obvious buddhist things. If anything was even questionable...it was packed up with the rest of the landlady's things. BUT we do still have a spirit house out front. John and some friends have prayed over the property and the house and I believe that once the spirit(s) knew we were coming, they couldn't wait to leave. So right now, to me, that spirit house is only an oversized birdhouse and doesn't bother me at all. BUT I do see how it may be confusing for new believers who may come over. I am wanting to put a sign that says both in English and in Thai..."As for me and my house, we shall serve the Lord." Then there should be no confusion to any person or any spirit.

I didn't realize just how much Thai Brayden was learning at school. Some conversation but mainly the letters and sounds that he is already trying to blend into words. We plan to bring him in on our language lessons and continue to stoke the fire of desire in him. I do think he can teach me a thing or two. :)

Aslan is sweet and so easy going. I couldn't have asked for a better two year old during this transition. He knows the way to the house and whenever we pull in to the the new neighborhood, he says," We're home!" His favorite bible story is Jonah (Donah) and both he and I have memorized the rhythm of the story and he reads along with me.

Now that we are settled in our own place, it's time to get our own car. Bill and Julie will need theirs when they return. Pray that God's direction and favor will be upon that transaction as well. Nothing fancy, just something dependable. Hard to keep things clean and/or scratch free around here. :) Not because I am a bad driver!!! ...just so ya know.

I do feel like we are home. We now know our way around the city. It helped that we have lived in now 3 different places. We are ready for Bill and Julie to come back. We miss them, our times of fellowship, worship and prayer. Just days after they get back, we have a missions trip coming form Hawaii for a week. Looking forward to it. Should be lots of fun.

Blessings to you. Waiting on the internet connection to be installed at the new place. For now I am coffee shopping it!

Khon Kaen Christian Tokays

2009-07-01T23:20:00.006+07:00

For a handful of reasons, we decided to put Brayden in to bilingual school when the Thai school year started in May. We wanted him to have some structure, feel settled here, know some friends, learn some Thai. It could have worked out beautifully but unfortunately we have encountered some drama and issues with the school just about every week since day one.

Little things at first, things that the school just needed to work on since it was new, like making sure he had his own desk and making sure the bus didn't forget to pick him up. Then it was issues with him not learning anything and being bored. He is at the highest grade level for the school and it seemed like they were not even ready to teach where he was already. Education standards vary greatly here compared to the states. Then the drama continued with his teachers saying inappropriate things like "You are a bad student.", even if he just got one answer wrong. The teacher's limited English was the cause but it affected Brayden to be called bad over and over. Some issues were cultural, like the Thai way of discipline. It is normal for them to scare children in to obedience. But telling a very aware missionary kid that if they don't do this right, then they will have to go to a darkroom with devils and ghosts(??)...well,it is not acceptable. Every week there was something we were working through and it only got worse. Our trust in the school was fading, with the academics, with the discipline, and Brayden wasn't enjoying it like he was. The manager called us one afternoon because Brayden didn't want to go to back to class. Turns out that Buddhist monks visited his classroom and wanted to bless the children by sprinkling water over them as the knelt down on the floor in front of the monks. Still after knowing our preferences regarding such things, they still were confused at why Brayden did not want to be with his class that day. Things kept arising, like Brayden being selected to compete in a speech competition for his school and he began preparing to find out just days before the competition that someone else was going to represent the school instead because the rules say that Brayden was not eligible because he was American. Major detail that would have been helpful to know before you get a six year old excited. Over and over, there was disappointment and tears. Then last week, we had to deal with why the DVD player on the bus plays horror movies on the way to school. We were wondering if this choice was the right one for Brayden. So, on Monday when Brayden came to me upset because a teacher said "This class sucks." and it made him feel stupid, we knew it was time. It just seemed that our goals for him going to school were not being met and we saw no hope of change in how the school handled things. The tuition was too much for what we were getting and I wasn't willing to babysit the school and see Brayden continue on the way it was. So, tomorrow is his last day and it is also our first day in our new house. So, it will be two changes at once.I hope it is a smooth transition.

Homeschooling is necessary for me now and I must admit, it is not my specialty. But I will make it work. I just have to get my mind wrapped around it. Maybe we just need a second chance. I introduced homeschool to Brayden in the midst of our preparation for Thailand. We homeschooled on the road at all twenty something locations over this past year. It was an unsettled time for us and at times it was a a little to a lot stressful. Maybe once we get settled I could do it better and make it more exciting and fun for Brayden and for me!

Me, John and Brayden talked about naming our school, giving it a mascot, and school colors. I thought it could be fun to create something together and let Brayden feel like maybe he was apart of something even if it was just him and soon Aslan. My idea was pretty basic...Lambert Academy (Lions). Brayden hated the word academy. He was wanting Lambert Family School. We wanted the mascot to be a snake, but mommy (me) said no. John peeped in and said since Khon Kaen doesn't have a christian school, we should name it Khon Kaen Christian. Brayden loved the idea. His next suggestion was for the mascot to be the lizard. (when people ask Brayden what his name is in Thai, he usually answers "Phom chuu Jingjok."...My name is lizard) People here have long beautiful birth-given names but most people go by a short nickname like "Nueng", meaning "one"..because he was the first born. Or "Gung" because she likes to eat "shrimp". So Brayden calls himself "Jingjok" because he likes to catch lizards.) Springing off the lizard idea we mentioned "Tokay". The Tokay lizard is a big blue with red spotted lizard that is known for biting and it lives in the tree tops and makes a the sound of its name..."To-kay". So, it's offical. Brayden's new school, the one that John is the principal of and I am the teacher of is called... Khon Kaen Christian Tokays!...and it's colors are turquoise and red like the lizard! we plan to make id cards and t-shirts! It was a fun night.

Let's hope the excitement continues for everyone. I can do this because I have to. Just wish I was a few more people. Harder housekeeping with no ac, studying Thai myself, homeschooling Brayden with an inquisitive two year old running around. Whew, I need lots of grace!

Bath Tub Baptism

2009-06-30T20:50:00.004+07:00

Today our bath tub was used as a baptismal tank! Yes! I love it. Our friend, MaeGaan has been ministering to her friend MaeYen and today she took the plunge. Who knew a party in the bathroom could be so much fun! I love baptism pics!

Later in the afternoon, me and the two ladies drove out to MaeYen's village to pray with her husband. He can not walk or see. He sits all day in the shade in a hut of sorts with a raised floor so he is not on the ground with the bugs. He knew a little English and sang a song for me. Ironically, it was "I just called to say I love you" by Stevie Wonder (who is also blind). I think about how long his days must seem as his wife takes a long songtaew ride into town to work as a housekeeper all day, but she does this since she is the sole provider.

As I was driving in the village, I saw Thai people everywhere just meandering around without much to do. There is no church in this village. MaeYen may just be the first and only Christian. It's places like these that we desire to see a church planted. It's people like MaeYen's husband that we desire to see healed as a testimony of God's love and power.

Today was one of those days when I feel overwhelmingly blessed to be living this life. I can't imagine being anywhere else. Thank you so much for everyone who supports us to not just live here but to work here.

Blessings, Jacq

Another Miracle

2009-06-19T22:51:00.005+07:00

Well, as you all know, we have been searching for a home. We are in need of one for July. It has been a much longer and much more difficult process then I anticipated. Since we have been with out a home for so long I expected to be satisfied with just about anything of our own. But we had some desires, like a safe neighborhood since John intends to go out to village for days at a time and leave me and the boys back home. And since Brayden got bit by a dog in January and hasn't overcome his fear altogether, we also desired a place that did not have disease infected dogs just wondering around. And then we were trying to find something that had an indoor kitchen that was furnished with some needed basics. Not easy to find.

As a last desperate attempt to find something, we had our language teacher write out index cards in Thai with our desire to rent something and our phone number. We put them in mailboxes of houses that looked vacant in hopes that they might be available for rent. Listen to what God did! Someone saw us, took the card out and gave it to her friend who was needing a renter. We didn't know that when we pulled up. When I saw the house, my first thought was..."Um, we didn't put a card here. This is way too nice." When we went inside to look at the house, I was speechless. It was fully furnished and decorated with built in real wood bookshelves (pretty amazing when you live in a land that loves pressed board furniture). It only got better as we looked out back to see gardens and fountains. After our tour, we sat down and discussed the details. Turns out the woman was wanting about double what we intended to pay each month. It was no surprise after seeing her home. But we had our desired price range on the index card with our phone and she still called us! I probably would have said, "Oh, thank you for your time but it's not possible for us. You have a lovely home. I hope you find great tenants." and walk out the door. Thank the Lord my husband led the conversation and had the boldness to ask her if she would take "x" a month per month (nearly half of what she was asking). We learned that she wanted to leave this home to move to one of her other homes. I think she has four. She was just going to lock the doors and leave but thought having someone in the home to look after her belongings might be helpful. She mentioned the thought to her friend but never posted it or put a sign out.

She said she would consider the offer which is a miracle in itself. We waited for her call, it seemed like forever. We were so ready to end the search and have peace of mind that we had somewhere. And if God wanted to bless us with a miracle, we wanted it. Finally she called and agreed to the monthly rent!!! Ahh! Amazing! BUT she wanted 4 months rent as a security deposit! What? We weren't expecting that. So for the last few days we have been on the phone with her trying to come up with a reasonable solution. She is leaving everything in the home, so in some ways I understand.

Well, TODAY we finally agreed!!!! Today is June 19th, exactly one year to the day, that we had people sign a contract on our home back in NC! And it is the tenth day of being in contact with this woman. Ten being the number of testing, I agree that we were being tested in our peace, patience, our ability to trust. Whew! Sure glad it is over! I want to rejoice 100% in a super big way but I will contain myself until the lease agreement is signed. What has happened is a miracle! When John and I sold everything to come here, we did it fully willing to live in any condition. And I could have lived in any one of the houses we saw but something wouldn't let me. I just believed that after all this time, God had something really good for us. After having so many people praying for us, I didn't want to say, "Yeah, we settled on this place over here." I wanted a story. I wanted a testimony, to be able to say "Look what God did!"

There was one house that I really liked. It was cute and just the right size for us, I decorated it in my mind, I saw us there. It was do-able for us. And I was really beginning to want it bad. I was a bit sad when I found out that the timing of it's availability wouldn't work for us and because we were foreigners the price increased mysteriously. :) I am so thankful for unanswered prayers (which really are answered prayers). I wanted something that was in the realm of our possibility, but God showed us that He wanted us in the realm of His possibility. He had someone call us. We were the only people she spoke with, she dropped the rent considerably, she is leaving everything!!! Furniture, decorations, tv's, washer. It is making our start up costs nearly nothing. I might have to buys towels or something. :) I think I can mange that!

Getting this home is so meaningful to me, not just because it is more beautiful than anything I ever expected and I get to live in it every day. It just feels like a personal gift to my family after being homeless and living in 27 different places in the last year. It shows me what an amazing Father God He is. He loves to give good gifts to his children. It teaches Brayden so much. It is such a testimony to him that after we have given up so much (willingly), God gives us so much (also willingly). We were looking all over but He had the owner search us out. I want to say things like "This is unreal, unbelievable, this doesn't happen." but I can't because it is real and it is happening so I need to believe it.

So many of my wonderful girl friends back in America have been praying. Thank you so much!!! No words can express my joy of being confident I have that people who care about us and pray for us when we are way over here on the other side of the world. Look what God has done because you prayed. I am so grateful.

Little Boy Wai

2009-06-11T20:30:00.002+07:00

The Future Miss Khon Kaen (haha)

2009-06-09T20:54:00.002+07:00

When John and I were first married, I worked at a bank and as a dance teacher. No, I am not a dancer. I went in to preschools and daycares to teach an educational dance program (ballet and tap.) Loved that job. Any time John and I would go to the mall or out to dinner, it was always certain that I would run into at least one person. Fairly good odds, when you are connected with a ton of bank customers and 100 sets of parents. John used to laugh at me. I guess he was surprised at how popular I was. HaHa! He would call me "Miss Myrtle Grove" (the section of the city we lived in) I liked that. :) But I loved knowing people, not all of them in depth, but enough to ask a few questions about what was new with them. After spending most of my life in New Jersey, finally knowing names and faces out and about in Florida felt really good. Being an active part of the community made me feel that I was at home.

I am beginning to feel a bit of that here. Not enough to call me "Miss Khon Kaen" though...yet. :) Last week, I ran into some friends at the plaza (which is the closest thing we have to a mall). Then this past weekend, we met up with one of Brayden's classmates (he only has 4). A little girl named "Fah" and she was all dressed up after a wedding. Brayden and her kept staring at one another and waving in a shy way from across the restaurant. It was cute. I was able to meet her family and it felt so good. I know my way around the city. I run in to people. We have been here for 3 months but now I am starting to feel like finally I live here. (All we need now is a house!) Sorry John, had to mention it! :) It's the obvious missing piece.

House Hunt Thoughts

2009-06-07T08:27:00.007+07:00

If the neighbor of the house you are looking at feels the need to have 4 huge guard dogs…then maybe that is not the best neighborhood for your family.

If the set up of the house and the strange middle aged white guy inside has you wondering why he is in Thailand and what goes on in his house…then maybe that is not the best neighborhood for your family.

It’s not unusual to find a sink with one cabinet underneath and "an" electrical outlet for the refrigerator on the other side of the room in a “kitchen”.

Do you take the 3000 sq ft house in an “ehh, not so great, kind of bad” neighborhood, or do you take the 500 sq ft house in the nice safe neighborhood?

Can you pretend that smaller house is bigger if it has a fairly functioning kitchen with a DISHWASHER? Oh, this is a tough one… I am still in debate mode.

Our ten suitcases have no need for the 3000 sq footer but our family of four needs more than 500 sq ft.

There is a difference between mouse poop and rat poop.

Not sure of the reason, but some houses have had their driveway tiled in colorful and very ornate ceramic tiles. Maybe they just think it’s pretty or maybe they love to mop so much that in addition to mopping inside the house once a day (because having the windows open makes things pretty dusty) they also wanted to include “Mop the driveway” to the daily chore list. :) Mmm, you will not be finding me mopping a driveway.

Most houses do not come with air conditioning units and if they do in at least one room, then they move quickly up the “If We Had To” list.

When there is a house listed on-line without a picture, there is a reason, so save your gas money and don’t bother driving out.

Why is it that the first five houses your find on a google search have already been rented out…like 6 months ago? I guess updating info isn’t that important?

There are a few very nice recently developed neighborhoods that have a dozen or more vacant houses…but these are not for rent…only for sale. A frustrating concept to a foreigner who can not buy!

If something is way below the range of your budgeted rent, there is a reason.

I don’t think it would be challenging to find something nice and safe rather quickly and easily if we looked at homes that were 4x out of our range. But that goes for any country, not just here.

If something sounds too good to be true, it is.

Words like “nice”, “neat”, “clean”, and even “garden” are defined differently by different people.

Knowing a house could be for rent is not known by the sign posted outside, because there is none. You can tell by the overgrown yard and lack of furniture inside.

Getting in touch with owners is very challenging. So, leaving notes in English and Thai in their mailboxes, knocking on neighbors’ doors to inquire, having your Thai friend take a look at the individual’s name on other letters in the mailbox and later research for a phone number are all acceptable ways to hunt down an owner.

Leaving an add stating…”We are an American family looking for…for between X and Y per month…” may generate calls from people who think they can fool the foreigners into paying more baht each month than it is worth.

When a sweet woman returns your email immediately with a dozen pictures of the house for rent, you want to rent it from her for the sheer fact that she was helpful. But unfortunately that is the itty bitty house. So sad.

Well, this was my attempt at making light of a very time consuming, frustrating and so far fruitless process of finding our family a home here. I am thinking about giving up completely on the search as if I can trick God in to the idea that I am surrendered or something but I know that won't work on God. Man, what else can I do to make this happen! Well, it can’t be blamed on our lack of effort, that’s for sure! I hope it comes soon because I am tired of questioning myself after every time we see a house, ..."Ok, was that home not suitable for us or am I being too particular?" There have been times in my life were I may have been guilty of being too particular, but not now! How ever could I have managed to get here sanely if I was!

Need house…must find house. Ahh!

We had a miracle to get out of our last home, so we need a miracle to get in to our new home.So, now you know how to pray!

My Project Runway

2009-06-01T20:39:00.002+07:00

Our plane was getting ready for take off exactly one year ago. We put our house on the market June 1st and it was sold June 19th. Still an amazing miracle to me! We had just weeks before we had to sell ev.er.y.thing. July 26th, 2008 our plane took off and we have been on an incredible journey ever since. We began our descent March 4th, 2009 when we finally arrived in Thailand. But since then we have been in a bit of a holding pattern waiting for the clear to land. We have been here but we are not yet settled in a place of our own. So we are still somewhat in transition. I am very ready to get this plane back on the ground again. We need to rent a place by July 1. We have been looking like crazy for a while in every possible way. On-line, driving around looking for signs, putting notes in the mailboxes on vacant homes. Not much has come of it...yet. So, now that we are in June, the countdown is on. It is stretching to my faith. I feel my ears pop as we continue to descend. But I still do not see the runway. I know it's there. Probably just some clouds blocking my visibility. I have no idea what I will be landing on. Some houses come fully furnished, some partly furnished, some come with absolutely nothing. I have heard of occasions where people had to furnish the kitchen including the sink and even a water pump! I am hoping that will not be the case. Finishing a kitchen can be costly so I am praying that the place we get has at least that. I have been mentally preparing as if we will have to do it all. I have shopped around, saw what was out there, did my price comparisons, and today I made the project...My Project Runway. John laughed at me. I felt like a little girl making a collage. I cut out all my choices of furniture from the catalog and organized them into rooms. I may not need to purchase it all, but just in case we need something... I will be ready. What store? Which one? How much? It was really fun to put that project together today. Once I get past the initial overwhelming-ness of starting over, I get kind of excited. Ahh. I haven't had a home in just about a year. It's going to feel so nice even if it is with other people's furniture at first (if I had to). I am ready to recreate a home for my family. We just need to see the runway so we can finally land. So clear up clouds and let us see.

Fear Management

2009-05-27T21:10:00.006+07:00

Through confessing where obsessive fear was birthed in my life, I have seen up close all my weaknesses. But God still loves me and uses me anyway. PTL If you would have told me a few years ago of some of the things I would be encountering now, I would not have believed you. That is why I am so incredibly amazed that I am here as a missionary in Thailand. It is such a testimony to the work God has done in my heart and in my mind. That I am here and LOVING it! I hardly recognize myself and I am so glad. I think back to how God led us and guided us through each step and I am so thankful. It only strengthens that we are certainly meant to be here and with that my faith grows and my ability to trust God for protection increases and those fears that used to consume me are manageable. They still come around but they don't stay long.

Like one day last week, I noticed that for some reason, I was unusually fearful all day. I was nervous when John went out on the motorcycle, I was nervous when it took Brayden 2 hours to get home on the bus, I was nervous with Aslan going up and down the stairs. It was a day of annoying paranoia. It was also just as I was fighting allergy stuff and day before I came down with the flu. I am starting to be aware to the timing. Those extreme fears like to try to revisit when I feel weak physically or vulnerable emotionally and not at my normal alertness. But I still recognized it and was able to have John pray with me. I like seeing that I have grown in this area. It makes me feel strong to discern it and deal with it instead of feeling weak and weary by giving into it. I could have missed being in our calling and missed all this joy if I let myself always be fearful.

A Never Ending Battle

2009-05-27T17:21:00.008+07:00

When Brayden, my first son, was just hours old, he had several apnea episodes. It was pretty alarming to see your newborn change color in husband's arms and then watch the nurse swiftly take him and rub his back until he started to cry. Brayden, at just 6 hours old, was transported to another hospital with a NICU. I was discharged from the hospital 14 hours after delivery to go be by his side. He was there for 8 very long days. I thought it would be a relief to finally have him home but it was more assuring to have him on a monitor making sure he was still breathing right. I don't know how I survived on such little sleep back then. I pulled the bassinet right next to my bed and slept with my hand on his belly so I could always know he was breathing. Once he got older and was in his own room, I would startle at the slightest grunt or wonder about the long silence on the baby monitor. I was so fearful still that something was going to happen and he was going to stop breathing. About five or more times a night I would wake up suddenly, jump out of bed and run to go check on him. John, very aware that this fear was consuming me, would sometimes hold me down in bed and force me to not get up like I was wanting. It helped me stay in bed but didn't help me not be scared.

When Brayden was 8 months old, John was away on a missions trip to Germany. I was up late making baby food in the blender (oh, the things I did for the first that I did not do with the second). I remember thinking, "Oh, I am surprised this noise isn't waking up the baby." Just after that a voice that was so clearly demonic said, "He is not waking because he is not alive." I ran down the hall, opened Brayden's door and listened for the sound of his breathing but heard nothing. I walked closer and tried to see his body move in the darkness but I saw nothing. I was so scared. I grabbed my son to make sure he was alive and I woke him out of his peaceful sleep. He started crying, I started crying. It was a breaking point. I remember praying so sincerely, "God, I need you to help me get rid of this fear. I can't live with it anymore."

I remember something changing after that. I can't say that no longer feared again. But what changed though was my ability to recognize that this battle was not of God and that my faith, although small at the time, could fight against it. I realized from that night, that this fear (although it was my fear), was not just effecting me. It caused me to disturb my husband's sleep, my baby's sleep. My issue messed with my family's peace...and that was not ok. Fear is an annnoying bothersome thing, it doesn't just go away for good. Even now, well, especially now with being on the mission field where there are more dangers, I still battle it but now I know how.

P.S. Like right now (about 10 minutes after I posted this) John and Brayden were running an errand on the motorcycle and then it starts to thunderstorm!! I call John's cell phone, and it rings in the other room! ugh!

Unexpected Rain

2009-05-24T19:37:00.003+07:00

The other day I had a beautiful sunny day in my heart. I was walking in faith and peace and joy. Then I encountered some cloudy skies when a friend began conversing with me. Soon those full clouds began to let down the "rain" of hopeless, unbelief, and negativity. I saw the storm coming in time, so I was able to hold up my umbrella to shield myself from the rain. A little while later, the storm clouds floated away. The sun began to shine again. I was so glad to have had my umbrella handy. I could have been drenched from only a half hour gloom. I did get a little wet though, so I had to go inside and dry off with some quiet time.

But God Never Sleeps

2009-05-22T15:44:00.009+07:00

It's 3:30pm my time and Brayden is in school, John left early for a ministry trip far away and Aslan is still napping. I just checked facebook and very few people are on and if they are are they are the people in America who can't sleep 3:30am or the people on this side of the world, which are a handful of missionaries. This afternoon people were commenting on village outreaches in Ukraine and baptisms in Malaysia and children's ministry in here in Thailand. So much happens over here when you are asleep over there in America. But God never sleeps. So while I am sleeping, what is going on over there on your side of the planet?

Village Church Meeting

2009-05-22T06:44:00.004+07:00

Last night we hung out with some of the members of a village church here in the Isan region of Thailand. First, everyone went around in the circle to share about what God has been doing for them. A lesson was taught out of 1 Timothy 2 then we prayed and had communion together. MaeGaan was our hostess, the very happy lady you see in the way back. She prepared a meal of sticky rice, fish, and chicken. It was so nice to be there with people who were once Buddhists, then new believers, then disciples, then leaders training others. Many villages are still without churches in this area. Please add NE Thailand to your prayers.

Ooooo! Happy!

2009-05-21T14:59:00.002+07:00

Aslan has a signature saying whenever something happens that he thinks is just wonderful. "Ooooo, Hap-py!" If I put on a favorite movie, or watch Elmo on YouTube, or give him a scoop of ice cream or let him ride his tricycle outside, I can guarantee his response. "Ooooo, Hap-py!"

I had an "Ooooo, Hap-py!"moment the other day. I was telling a fellow missionary friend, Susan, of the few little things I miss from America. Things that I didn't expect to miss.

1) Sudafed. The kind you have to sign for, you know, the kind that actually works. This allergy to mold is going to make the rainy season seem so much longer.
2) Dawn dish detergent. There are no dishwashers and no hot water to wash dishes, so I miss Dawn and seeing the grease run away at one drop.
3) Degree deodorant. I have found sprays, I have found roll-on, and gels but I can't find a solid deodorant anywhere. Since deodorants can be about $6 or so here, I expect it to work especially in this heat. Well, we have been missing our Degree.

When Susan was in America last, she picked up a year supply of Degree!!!! And she shared some!!! I now have 2! So that was my "Ooooo, Hap-py!" moment. I never thought I could be this delighted over deodorant. :) It's the little things.

What makes you happy?

This Past Sunday

2009-05-18T20:49:00.003+07:00

Yesterday John preached about God being "The Rewarder" at Pastor Nikom's church, Light of Khon Kaen. I had the blessed opportunity to NOT hear most of it. ( note: this is sarcasm) Aslan was a tired, exhausted mess that wanted to play, run and shout as his Daddy preached. So, instead of sitting inside under the fans with the rest of the church, I got to enjoy the 100 degree weather outside in the sun taming the "lion". I hated not being in there to hear John's message. One of the joys of missionary life -most churches do not have children's church. Anyway. When the service was over, Brayden came out to me with his toothless lispey voice and said..."Ahh, Mom. I am sorry you had to miss it. Daddy did a great job. Especially at the end, I was starting to cry. But before he sat back down, I had to dry my eyes because I didn't want him to see me and think that I was sad because I had to sit by myself." That totally blessed me to hear my 6 year old say that. He sounded so grown and mature... and it helped me get out of my funk that I was outside with a 2 year old instead of in the service. Well, John preaches again at a different church, River of Life, this Sunday. I sure hope I can be there fully for that. After last week's episode, I am tempted to find a sitter for Aslan. Sure do miss the awesome children's programs back in America. So next time you drop your children off at Bug-a-Boo's or Reign Forest at FHC, give the worker a big hug and thank them if not for yourself then send them some appreciation from the Lamberts! May God the Rewarder reward them.

God's Grace is Enough...even for this!

2009-05-14T23:12:00.003+07:00

Much of the world use this type of toilet. They think it is disgusting to sit where someone else had just sat. Anytime I use a public restroom, this is what I find.

During my time here, I have learned some helpful things. Whenever you enter a bathroom, be sure to walk cautiously. The floor is usually wet. There is definitely skill involved to master this bathroom technique successfully. A science? An art form? Who knows? For balance sake, it helps if you hang your bag from your neck because there is obviously no place to put it. There is no toilet paper, ever. Unless of course you paid someone 5 baht for it before you entered. Most people use that green bowl. It is also used to clean up any oops, mistakes, or accidents as well as to flush. Just fill the bowl with water from that tank and dump it in the squatty and it flushes all by itself. Amazing. Always keep your purse prepped with toilet paper, baby wipes, and hand sanitizer. It will make the experience much easier to handle.

I think about some of the near daily occurrences I now have because of our decision to move here and I am still amazed at the grace God gives -even enough to endure...the squatty potty!

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

2009-05-09T14:58:00.003+07:00

My mother, Patricia, is the most self-less woman I have ever known. Everything she does is always for others because she genuinely is loving, not in pursuit of any selfish glory. She amazes me more and more as the years go on. I wish I could become half the woman she is. She has always been known for being all things to all people- her 5 children, and 9 grandchildren, while also caring for her ailing mother who recently just passed away.

If you want to be great in God's Kingdom, you must be the servant of all, and that she is. I am thankful that God will reward her in eternity. But after enduring hardships and suffering loss, I wish I could also see her blessed in this life. A while ago, I asked her, "What is it that you really want? How can I pray for you? Do you want a companion? Do you want a different job? What can I ask God to give you that would really bless you?" Oh, my mother, said as she started to cry, "All I want is for my children to know Jesus." My mother could have said anything under the sun in that moment, but as always, she remained beautiful. I have the utmost respect for her and I hope God gives her the desires of her heart.

So, I celebrate this Mother's Day, not just a few states away, but half a world away. I hope she can still feel our love from here. Wish I could be with everyone this weekend as they honor her with cards, gifts, and special dinners out. Hugs and Kisses, Mom!

It's Dark in Thailand

2009-05-05T20:42:00.004+07:00

Stand in my kitchen with me and look out the window. Nothing to see, but listen. This is the sound of Thailand after sundown. In the darkness of night, crickets chirp. In the darkness of soul, monks chant. And this goes on for hours.

Passing Thoughts

2009-05-02T18:53:00.004+07:00

The green and red stains on my white shirt does not mean I am anxious for Christmas. It is evidence that I had a green tea slush this afternoon and made pasta with red sauce tonight. Only when it's a white shirt, figures.

I remember when pasta used to be the cheaper dinner to make. But here it is the foreigner meal and therefore not so cheap.

After 2 months of having rice for at least 2 of the 3 meals a day, I admit, I am somewhat tired/bored of rice. (that's why we had pasta for dinner)

Cooking on a gas stove on a hot day with no air condition makes it feel 20 degrees warmer.

Preparing food near an oscillating fan makes clean up interesting and harder! :)

I wonder what makes Thai people giggle more...seeing me try to get in the passenger side of the car and then realize I was wrong side or seeing me put my windshield wipers on instead of my blinker. Oops. Still getting used to sitting on the right and driving on the left.

Going out for a few hours by myself makes me so much easier to be around when I get home. Even I don't mind being around me!

Is it ok for a 6 year old to loose 3 teeth in a week? The tooth fairy is worn out. :) jk

Will Brayden be mad at me years from now if the school he goes to has a uniform of pink and purple plaid shorts with a white button up peter pan collared shirt, topped with a purple vest???? So sorry, Bud! But Mom will be taking pictures and your girlfriend will see them one day.

Ever since Aslan no longer uses a pacifier at nap and bedtime, he no longer naps, has a harder time getting to sleep and wakes up earlier...could there be a connection?

Does the fact that I still have a few pacifiers lingering around mean I was more dependent on them then he was? He better start sleeping well or I may be tempted to "find"one!

I have had to build a fortress of suitcases around Aslan's pack-n-play because while he is still in there he shifts his weight back and forth to move himself to a window to look out! What will I do with that monkey when he finally gets a big boy bed?

I am hoping Mother's Day is still celebrated in our family even if the culture here does not! I guess that was a non subtle hint. (was that wrong?)

I feel more dainty and feminine as testosterone levels increase around here with my growing boys.

Purchasing needed items for my home was so much more exciting the first time as I was getting married. Get to instead of have to, I guess.

Of all the "things" we have sold and given up, what we miss the most is a routine. Funny, back then the rhythm of a routine seemed to rock us to sleep.

Loving my quirks and preferences could have kept me from the plan of God. I could never have come here if I was a neat freak, obsessive compulsive organizer, and germaphob, like I used to be. If I had identified myself AS these things, I would have missed out on the reward of following God. In this case, cleanliness is not next to Godliness. Denying yourself completely (even in quirks or preferences) is a prerequisite to following Jesus. Man, I could have missed it and still be sitting in my perfectly clean, organized, and decorated home. Blah, I would be so bored.

Hoping God resurrects some of those homemaker qualities when we get a home. They have been dormant for a year.

Just some random passing thoughts of my weekend.

wow! Just saw that this was my 300th post!

Not A Bad Place To In!

2009-05-01T19:24:00.005+07:00

Tomorrow makes 2 months since we have left the states. One month in the apartment and one month here. We probably have experienced most of our exciting firsts and now life is...life, and we are trying to figure out our rhythm. I am sure we won't feel completely normal or settled until we have a place of our own. After talking with John, we both identified with being in the same place of thought. Yes, we are finally missionaries...but what kind?

Until we figure that out, it's a bit awkward. We have observed a broad spectrum of missionary lifestyles and what works for one family may not work for another. Well, now that we are here to see it, taste it, touch it, feel it....we are trying to figure out where our family falls in that wide spectrum of possibilities. I admit, as a phlegmatic, (Pastor Penny will be so proud.) I usually have a difficult time making a decision when there are many choices that could be ok. I don't always know my own desires and/or I question my motives for having certain desires. Maybe it's because I so want to do the right thing and I don't trust my desires because they seem to change. So, we are praying for God's will and direction. Not a bad place to be in!

It just seems that once you feel like you have figured something out, God moves you and you have to re-figure it all out. So, that's where we are. We are re-establishing ourselves here in ministry and as a family, trying to be the type of missionary that God is wanting us to be. Some of our questions are: Do I continue with homeschool or send Brayden to school? Do we live a more western style of a home or do we go Thai style completely? Do we do this, this or that? The answers to these types of questions will put us in different places and around different faces. So, really we just need the Holy Spirit to lead us to the people that He is wanting us to be around and then the answers will be obvious.

Little Word, Big Confusion

2009-04-24T13:21:00.005+07:00

The other day, I had a Thai friend over at the house. I wanted to ask her a question, but my limited Thai and her lack of English presented a challenge. I have been finding what looked like evidence that mice where sneaking around at night in the kitchen and I was asking her if she knew if Bill and Julie ever had a problem with mice. Gaan (my friend) had NO idea what I was trying to say. I did charades, I drew a picture (obviously not a very good one), because she still could understand. Then I said "Mickey Mouse". There seems to be a lot of knock off Disney here, so maybe that would help. She understood Mickey Mouse but she still did not understand my initial thought. I could have just left it alone and researched it and ask later, but by this time Gaan was so determined to understand me. She took the paper of my drawing and walked up and down the street to find someone who knew enough to help her. While she was gone, I found a website that could help translate English sentences into Thai. Well, about 10 minutes later, she returned with another friend and they had brought me a computer mouse. :)

Since there was another person there, I went through my charades and drawing lack of abilities all over again.:) I showed them the website of the my sentence written in Thai letters. I hoped that would help but it seemed to only further confuse them. I wanted to give up but they wouldn't let me! I almost wished that I had never started. Brayden got in on the conversation and helped by making putting sound effects to my drawing of a mouse leaving droppings on the counter....AND it worked! Finally they understood! Six year old bodily function humor proved helpful! (I will probably never say that again.) Oh, we had such a laugh! We went back through all that was said and saw how we misunderstood each other. Gaan laughed so hard she literally was on the kitchen floor, no exaggeration.

I later found out why the website translation didn't help AT ALL! It said in Thai "I see 'stupid people' in the kitchen in the morning." Why? I have no idea. But instead of "poop", it called that "stupid people". No wonder Gaan and her friend looked confused and no wonder they were increasingly determined to figure me out. What were they to think when I say "Mickey Mouse" and "I see stupid people in the kitchen." I hope they didn't think I was calling them stupid. Oh my, what an experience! Just another reason we need to fully learn Thai!!! Brayden is working on making his own tract. He wants to have it translated in Thai so he can give them to the monks we see (sooo many). Well, I for sure will not be relying on that website for help! Can you imagine?

Why is it that this one little word "mice" causes us so much trouble? I wrote about it in September. When we were staying at Senora Chelo's home in Mexico, Brayden thought we were having "mice" soup and freaked out. It was maize soup, but she pronounced it a way that he heard "mice". Well, I guess that was some comic relief to my very busy week!

The Festival Begins

2009-04-23T15:39:00.002+07:00

It has been quite an experience to witness all the activity of the Miracles of Love Festival. There are summer classes during the day of dancing, singing, boxing, and English. During this time songtaew's drive helpers to various outreaches and prayer locations all over the city.

Yesterday, the evening festival started with a parade of over 100 green and purple shirted volunteers from the church to the field where the event was taking place. It got a lot of people's attention and closed down roads. Curious people starting coming and the crowd continued to grow. The vice-president of the University gave an opening speech was presented with a gift from the leaders. A red ribbon that was stretched across the stage was cut by him as unexpected fireworks went off. It was a scene. There was live music, dancing, dramas and then a gospel message. On a count of three, people responded to the altar call. It felt like a wind had rushed through as a mob of people made their way to the front. I stood there in amazement at just how many responded. The amount of people still standing still standing in the crowd seemed like a small percentage. The volunteers gathered around the people as they prayed for salvation. I am so curious to hear if they have a figure for just how many got saved last night. After the altar call was finished, they began to pray for the sick. People with testimonies of healings came up on stage. It was pretty incredible.

One of the things that I felt in my heart last night, was this deep appreciation for the workers. I know the time, effort, energy, and money that goes into to preparing to go on a short term trip. These passionate and energetic people hit the ground running once they got off the plane. No time to recoup, or adjust to let lag. They have been busy from 8am til 10:00pm in the very hottest time in Thailand. Having grown to love the Thai people so, it blessed me to see the sacrifice of the volunteers to come and help. It blessed me to know that God was sending laborers, which means there will be a harvest.

Last night was the first of five nights. Each night builds upon the night before and we are expecting attendance and salvations only to increase. Thank you for praying and keep on! God bless you.

Pray That They Can Stay

2009-04-18T21:46:00.004+07:00

Posted by Jacqueline Lambert at Missionary Prayer Team

It has been the talk of the year. The economy. It is hard to hear of so many who have fallen on hard times. Loss of hours or job all together. Houses not selling. Foreclosure. Bankruptcy.

Unfortunately, the missionary is not immune to this season either but is instead greatly effected. When finances get crunched in America, budgets get rearranged and the extra stuff gets pushed out. Giving is seen as extra. But that "giving" could be some one's actual pay when it is a missionary.

A new friend here in Thailand just heard that her missions agency back in the states has just had to give notice to 30 missionaries that they no longer have funding to stay out on the field. While she was relieved that she wasn't one of them, she was also heartbroken for her cut off colleagues. It's an awkward place to be in. One of these no longer funded families had only been on the foreign field 9 months!!! That hit home to me. I was imagining how I would feel after the whole year of preparation and travel to finally arrive and get settled, start learning the language and culture, make ministry connections and then.......the carpet gets pulled from underneath! wow. sobering. With great compassion, I can pray for these people and these scenarios that are happening too often in this hard season.

Just the other day I received a newsletter from a missionary friend in Africa who had a some desperate requests. Inflation in that country has caused her rent to change from $150 to $600. She has built and is now running a women's center that disciples new believers and gives them occupational training. She is now is wondering if she can continue to remain there. In the midst of all of this, her mother died and she unexpected had to return home to the states. Not the cheapest flight out there. My heart was so moved for her especially since I had just days before learned of the aforementioned situation.

"I say all that to say this..." (that is a little inside joke) missionaries too are feeling the financial strain and it is while they are in a foreign land trying to minister to others with sometimes little encouragement. Please pray that these missionaries would stay encouraged and stand in faith. Pray that God would send faithful supporters to replace those who have had to discontinue for one reason or another. Pray that their ministry that they have labored so diligently for would continue and better yet grow.

Drawing All Men

2009-04-17T20:41:00.004+07:00

Next week is the week. Much time, effort, money has gone into its preparation and we are excited and anxious to see what God does! We have been working with Khon Kaen International Church (Mission SOS) and they are hosting a 4 day Miracles of Love Festival on the campus of the university here in the city. There will be summer classes during the day and then evening crusades. It's pretty big! Over 100 people are coming in on a short term trip to help. It's hard not to get excited when all over the city there are billboards advertising the event. John and I will be teaching a conversational English class during the day. It should be a lot fun and quite a role reversal for us since we have been studying Thai.

I know that John has posted about it on his blog as well as sending out a request for prayer for the event to our Lambert/Thailand Groupies on facebook. But if this is your first time hearing of it please join in prayer with us that there will many healings and salvations that will ultimately yield lasting disciples of Jesus. The Thai people need a life giving relationship with God rather than their old dead rituals and religion.

If My name be lifted up, I will drawn all man unto Me.
John 12:32

Momma's So Proud

2009-04-13T23:36:00.002+07:00

Warning. Momma moment. I am about to brag.

Brayden finishes his homeschool for this year over a month ahead of schedule. Because of all the travel and busyness of this year, I choose to start him off in a 1st grade curriculum rather than kindergarten which is what he would be doing if he was in a school. I thought that if we had to we could take longer than one school year to complete it and then he still would not be behind. Well, Brayden has amazed me. With his schooling, he gets to set his own pace and he has averaged close to 30 pages of work a day all in the midst of 26 moves, 3 countries and 4 different states. It has been fun to watch him start to read to fluently read but it has been hard work. He even knows that . He usually prefers to do his school time in the morning so he can have the rest of the day to play and he always starts with his most challenging subject first to get it over with.

Homeschooling wasn't my first choice when it comes to his education but it seemed to be my only option. We travelled so much this year that it was necessary and I thought there were no schools available for him here in Thailand. So, I am so pleased that it has gone so well. God's grace plus discipline has yielded us some good results.

I think of all of us Brayden probably had the hardest time adjusting to all the changes that life brought in the last year. He has been old enough to realize all that he lost or gave up. A room and bed of his own, a good portion of his toys, his bike, his friends to play with in the court, the stability of knowing what to expect. Nine months is a lot longer to a 5 year old than an adult. When I was having a difficult day, I knew how to encourage myself. Brayden didn't know how to do that. He has been a trooper in every way. I am really proud of him, can't you tell?

Well, since arriving in Khon Kaen, Thailand, we have learned that there is a new English/Thai school that has recently opened. I didn't even know that I would have another option other than homeschooling but I am glad I do. I think maybe it could give him some structure again to life, it would give him friends, and the ability to learn Thai. I think those last two things are really the ingredients needed to make a foreign place feel like home. (Friends and the knowing the language). The school year here is from the end of May until mid March. This is their summer and trust me it's hot! So, that means if we were going to consider having Brayden go to the school, now would be the time to act before classes start up again.

I suppose after testing, they would decide if Brayden should continue on in 2nd or not. I have a long list of questions for the director. I do have some concern about the religious aspect of the school. They have a religion class that a monk teaches. I have heard from another missionary family who has already addressed this concern, that they may excuse the Christian students from this class and supplement it with another religion class. Hmm, how cool would that be if your Dad could come to your school to teach the Bible? That is also very accommodating of the school. I seems like they are willing to do whatever to get enrollment up, even send a bus out to your area if there are more than two families there that attend. That would be great since we don't have a car yet. The school only goes up to 3rd grade now but it adds grades every year and it' s possible that there may only be a handful of kids in each class. Only thing is, I think their uniform is a white shirt with a Peter Pan collar and a purple vest! Ick! Oh well! I suppose I should meet with the director before getting too excited. Yeah, tuition cost is a great and relevant question. I suppose that should be the first thing to ask. :) Oops.

The Egg Hunt in Thailand

2009-04-11T13:41:00.003+07:00

Great friends of ours John and Sandy Lovorn stopped over for lunch the other day on their way up to Laos for a visa run. We joined them on the rest of their journey and learned a bit about what to anticipate on our future visa runs. While we were there, we took a little boat ride on the Mekong River between Thailand and Laos. I felt so drawn to the Thailand side. It's where we are certainly meant to be.

When I look at the Thai people I have so much love in my heart toward them. I believe more than ever it is harvest time for Thailand. We are seeing the beginnings of it already. The older generation is bound by fear and has been caught in the religious trap of works and desperately need freedom. The younger generation isn't really following Buddhism as strongly but they are still searching. This makes them ready -ready to experience something real. It makes me so excited when I think about what is God is about to do and that He wants it more than we could ever....that's a "Selah" moment for me.

It is Easter weekend and I am hearing of every one's Easter plans in America -the eggs, the services. Here in Thailand, it is not so celebrated because Jesus is hardly known. The egg could be seen as a beginning of new life, right? So, pray with me that every egg of your Easter egg hunt will represent a new Thai believer. God will be on the hunt to gather them all up, open them up and expose the gift inside. Never saw that parallel before...that God could participate in The Egg Hunt. (Oh, the Christian non-egg Easter celebraters! What would they think about me saying that? :) )

So Long Sofa

2009-04-05T06:45:00.003+07:00

We move AGAIN today. Only for the 26th time since July. We stayed at a small apartment (when I say small, I mean small...just 400 sq ft) It was great for the first month but we have certainly outgrown it. It's quite chaotic with Aslan's toys, Brayden doing his homeschool and John and I have language lessons from 1-6 Monday through Friday. Bill and Julie Hughes, the missionary family that we joined (and have grown to love so much) leaves for America today. So, for the next 3 months we will be living at their place and enjoying the comforts of their established home until we FINALLY get a place of our own in July. (Yep, that will make one full year.)

In this furnished apartment, we have a really great blue vinyl sofa. It looks like the back seat of an old car and it's pretty comfy. Well, anything you don't mind sitting on for more than a half hour in Thailand is considered comfortable. I think might miss this wonderful piece of furniture. But we leave today, so it's so long sofa!

My Day in Prison

2009-04-03T10:54:00.008+07:00

What an experience I had yesterday at the women's prison here in Khon Kaen, Thailand . People have been asking me to write but I have had to take time to process it all. It was so wonderful.

Because of the established relationship, the guards were expecting us. We walked through the main offices out to a courtyard then into a huge room, like a warehouse. The inmates were standing in rows dressed in ankle length skirts and smocks. The new prisoners that are awaiting their sentencing wore brown. The others who had been sentenced wore blue. As we walked us past the rows of ladies to a small room in the center of the warehouse, I heard gasps and whispers. I was surprised at how un-rough they looked to me. They looked like they could be my mom, my sister.

Once the prisoners were dismissed from their lines, people went to their assigned places. In one corner a group was making fishing nets by hand. In another section, woman were cutting fabric to be passed over to the next group who were sitting at sewing machines and others were cleaning and preparing food. In the midst of all the transition woman started coming into the small room where we were waiting. Attending the meeting is a privelege and all their responsibilities must be completed first or they will not receive a food coupon.

We all sat on the floor and one by one introduced ourselves. A little more than half of the ladies were regular attenders and already Christians (disciples). The plan was for us to baptize 6 disciples but some of them were unable to attend because of work assignments or mandatory vocation classes. But the tank had already been brought and it was filled with water, so the baptisms would go on. Since it was the first time for many in the group, it was necessary to preach salvation knowing that many of these woman had never heard. Two people shared their testimony, a missionary and one of the disciples. Then Marielle through a translator preached the whole gospel starting at Genesis all the way through to the resurrection of Jesus. Over and over she stated, "This is not about a religion, about doing this, this, and that. This is about having a relationship with God." When she asked if anyone wanted to respond, hands went up quickly.

The ones that responded scooted to the center and we prayed for them. So many languages were being spoken at once; Thai, English, Swedish, and tongues. You could feel the Holy Spirit's presence and the ladies had tears that were pouring uncontrollably down their cheeks. We separated them into groups and prayed for them. The lady I prayed with looked at me with this frightened concern in her eyes as she asked if I could pray for the judge to go lighter on her sentence. There is nothing like being convicted of a crime and needing mercy to make the message of the cross real. After I was done praying with her, we hugged each other for a. long. time. I thought she might never let go! The five new believers were handed out Bibles and a book. The other disciples offered to meet with newbies to go over any questions later in the week.

Marielle explained about baptisms. She kept telling the new ladies that got saved not to feel any pressure to be baptized that day that there would be other opportunities. She was trying to make sure they knew what they were doing. But they were all quite persistent on being baptized right then even to the point of butting in line to go first. It was like they couldn't wait. One by one the ladies were baptized. I loved how we switched off between the missionaries and some of the mature disciples in the group to do the baptisms. From day one the disciples were being trained to teach and lead. One lady was so anxious and excited about going under in the water to show that her old life is washed away that she could barely wait for someone to lay her back, she kind of pushed herself in. It was cute and we all laughed. By the end of our time together it felt like we were all the same, not Thai or English, imprisoned or free. We were just forgiven children of God.

The conditions of the prison are quite primitive. In the center of the warehouse, there is a room the size of a basketball court that is caged off. All of the 160 woman sleep head to foot on mats. They wake at sunrise and work until 5 pm. From that time until the following morning they are "in bed". For all the woman there are about 8 toilets with no privacy. There is large tub that they are allowed to use to get water in their bowl to wash. Even in this setting, the Christians in prison all say that they have more now than before. They have more peace. They feel free even though they are in prison. That is the case of a life that has been radical touched by God.

I L.O.V.E.D IT! The prison church meets every Thursday at 1pm, so my Thursday afternoons are booked from now on!

She is in prison in Thailand

2009-04-01T10:57:00.004+07:00

So, what is Jacqueline doing in Thailand?

I don't know, last I heard she was in prison.

My friend Marielle, a fellow missionary here from Sweden, leads a church at a woman's prison. There has been a lot of grace with both the inmates and the guards. She has been allowed to bring in a large tub to baptize new believers. Tomorrow will be my first time going with her to see 6 more people baptized. Over 120 have been baptized in the past. The prison has seen so much change in the Christian inmates lives that they have asked Marielle to go to the men's prison as well. How often are you asked like that? So much grace and favor.

Per and Marielle are our age. They have 2 sons, ages 5 and 2, which has been such a blessing for our boys. We have so many similarities in our history and our present heart and vision. I told them that I thought they were an answer to prayer for our family. But since they have been here nearly 2 years, they felt that God had sent us to them. :) When you step out in obedience in any way God provides every need, even fellowship.

So feel free to tell people that I am going to prison tomorrow, I would love to see the look on their faces. :0

I have learned a few things

2009-03-29T10:55:00.005+07:00

Here a just a few thoughts of what I have learned in the 4 weeks of us being here in Thailand.

Ants. It's an ongoing loosing battle. Just say "hello" when they crawl across your computer screen... like just now.

Little geckos are also part of the family. They eat other bugs so they are welcomed. Well, unless Brayden sees it first and catches it.

Maybe there are no bathtubs here because it would only show that the water is never clear.

Everyone wants to be something they are not. I would like a tan. Thai people wear jackets in extreme heat to keep their skin light.

People drive their vehicles like they would walk in a large crowd. Not too many rules. Just assume that they see you and will stop. I can't wait to drive here. :) PRAY!

Since Thai food served on the street is so yummy and so so cheap, I may never have to cook again. (Hallelujah Chorus playing in the back ground)

Green tea is the fam's favorite drink. They even come in juice box size. Cool.

"My Pet" is one of the first phases I learned. Has nothing to do with Fido or Rover. In Thai, it means "no spice". My children especially are thankful when we remember to ask. :)

I wish I liked pork, then I would always have something to eat.

Technology is my new best friend. It has helped me not just endure this transition but enjoy it. It's never been easier to be a missionary, so come on. Facebook. Skype. (I attended my Nana's funeral via skype.)

Thai's think pinching your child's cheeks and even making them cry is kind of funny. Ahh, I don't. If Aslan is rewarded with laughter every time he says "No!" and screams, then how will I ever tame the lion? "Stop. Don't touch." are good phrases to learn in Thai right away too.

If we had a dollar for every street dog we saw, we would no longer need support. BUT we don't, so please continue supporting us. :)

They point with their chins here. Whatever you point at, they expect that you want to buy it. Boy, that was funny the other day when the farmer thought I wanted the freshly slaughtered chicken. I was just showing it to Brayden. Eggs only. Just eggs. (UGH! I need to learn this language.)

Learning a challenging foreign language as an adult is like majoring in HUMILITY.

Being tone deaf or (tonally challenged) further complicates language study. Did you know one word can be said in 5 different tones and mean 5 different things?

Laptops that can play DVD's are wonderful! Oh, and so are dumdum lollipops.

Hot dogs are a common favorite here. Brayden got what he thought was a donut and there was a hot dog in it. Really.

Air conditioning is glorious. Sigh.

Seeing Thai's worship God is like God serving me a piece of heaven. It's hard not to well up.

I love my family and friends more than ever and their support of this decision is priceless.

Final Goodbye Re-Post

2009-03-24T21:31:00.004+07:00

I got the news last night that my Nana died. Sadly, it came on my sister Tracie's birthday. Two years ago, my brother Dean was also laid to rest on this same day. Although I prepared myself as much as possible for this, it doesn't make it easy. It's hard to not be with my family right now. I wrote this blog post after my last visit with my Nana back in January. I thought it was worthy of re-posting today.

I remember years ago when I was a little girl, my dad took me and Dean on a road trip to St. Louis to visit my great grandparents. At the end of our trip, we said our goodbyes and pulled out of their drive way. I remember my dad kept looking back at them and he was trying hard not to cry. I don't know it was spoken then or left unsaid but I knew in my heart the reason for his tears. That visit with them was going to be the last and he knew it.

I recalled that memory and identified with it yesterday when I said goodbye to my Nana. Nana is in the nursing home on comfort care. Every time I have had a chance to visit her over the last couple years, I always wondered if it was going to be the last. But each time she surprises everyone and bounces back. She has earned the nickname of "Energizer Bunny". Well, at well under 80 pounds, and her stubborn refusal to eat, I guess I can safely assume that she may not be here in 2 years or so when me, John and the boys get a chance to visit New Jersey again. (Who knows?) So I said a final goodbye to her yesterday and it was very strange and awkward and sad.

It is also a floating thought through my mind that if my Nana does die AFTER March, I will not be at the funeral. I won't be there to comfort my mother as she goes back to the same funeral home where she had services for her youngest son nearly 2 years ago. It's these types of sacrifices that make our leaving for Thailand seem hard. And as always, in everything...I have to trust Him.

Morning (Mourning) Walk

2009-03-20T23:18:00.006+07:00

The monk's morning walk

I wake up to a sorts of sounds of life. Tons of chirping birds, lots of barking street dogs, some crowing roosters, and an occasional moo of a cow. It's easy to get up early when everything and everyone else is. The sun is just rising when I start my walk and I am always so surprised at how many people I see up and out already. I am not the only one doing their morning walk. The Buddhist monks from the nearby Wat make their way around the neighborhood carrying their silver platters and people give them rice as an offering. I always wondered why so many woman were out cooking so early. I noticed today at the convenient store, which is merely a garage-like room with drinks and snacks, that they had their rice cooker out on their step. I now know that it awaits the monks. As the monk walks by, the worker will stop to come out to serve him. I wished I had a camera this morning when I saw this lady pull up to the Wat on her scooter, reach in her basket for a bowl of rice. She then served a few monks that were just starting their morning walks. After she gave it to them, she "wai-ed"(which is a normal way to greet) but then she bowed down and stayed bowed down for some time wai-ing him. It surprised me, sadden me, and made me realize just how bound in fear these people really are. They have to daily make these offerings in fear of bad luck. Her fear caused her to bow to a man when she should be in faith bowing to God. This image stayed with me all day and I mourned over it. I was grieved. I knew even with much description, I could not really explain what I saw. I found these images from the web that could give you a picture of what I am talking about.

May this sight cause you to pray...for them and for us! Blessings.

Becoming One With The Culture

2009-03-16T21:53:00.004+07:00

Both John and I have been doing a good job becoming one with the culture, as you can see! :)

Wanting is Weird

2009-03-16T21:38:00.008+07:00

I consider myself pretty simple and easy to please, well sometimes. It's not usually hard for me to be content with little. Well, uncommon to me, lately I have been doing something called wanting, desiring, longing, for things.

Like the other day, I saw some men moving furniture around between each of the apartments. One of the couches they had looked comfy, way more comfortable than ours. (You know it's bad when you sit in the tile floor instead.) I found myself "coveting thy neighbor's" couch. Rebecca and Oscar, missionaries from Sweden, were just getting home and I shared with them that I wanted to switch my couch for different one. "What? You have a couch? We don't.", they said. They have a one bedroom and we have a two, so I guess it's different. She walked me down to her place and as soon as the door opened... I saw her kitchen table! "Oh! You have a kitchen table?!? We don't, our boys sit on the floor and use our trunk as a table." (Man, I went from coveting a couch to coveting a couch and a table. So what if the table only had 2 chairs, it was great!) Rebecca also was feeling the things for now she was wanting a couch too. Thankfully, she was bold enough to ask the apartment manager if we could switch our furniture...and she said, "Yes"! She brought us to a room that had extra pieces of furniture and we got to pick what we wanted. It was so fun! Later that evening, John came home to a new (new to us) comfier couch and a kitchen table with 2 chairs! I love our powder blue vinyl couch that looks like the back seat of an old car.

At our temporary apartment, we have an outdoor kitchen. Really, it's only a small counter and a sink out there but we also have a refrigerator inside. For the last 2 weeks our food choices have been basic and limited to what doesn't need to be cooked or what could be made with boiling water (like ramen) since we have this.

Hasn't been terrible or anything but it was getting old. So, I purchased an electric burner and I am so excited! Me being excited about cooking is really a miracle. It opens a whole new world of food choices. Today I made the boys broccoli, chicken and pasta for lunch and they ate it like ravenous wolves. I guess they too were getting tired of PB&J. New little things can be so exciting.

We have been vehicle-less since we have been here and I admit that it is one of the more flesh crucifying things for me. Not only am I loosing Independence (which the flesh totally hates) but I am also lacking the ability to familiarize myself with the area which I need to do since it is now called home. So, I have been finding myself wanting a scooter. Many people ride them here. And I have been recalling some conversations between me and John about all the things we could do to make our transition easier...and getting a scooter was on the list. So, I have been cyber shopping some possibilities and I want some input, should I go with pink or blue?

"Wanting" is weird and awkward for me. I keep analyzing, "Do I really want this or do I just want to want this?". But above all of my new wants, I really want God's will for our lives because it is wisdom and safety. But those scooters are seriously cute and I would love to have one! :)

Ignorance is Better

2009-03-13T15:17:00.003+07:00

Ignorance is bliss when it comes to the heat. I have to agree with John and Sandy Lovorn and say that it is better to just not know what the temperature is. It only makes you feel hotter and want to complain. This makes you and others around you miserable. Today, I let curiosity get the best of me twice! Not only did I check the temperature here in Khon Kaen, I also converted that number into Fahrenheit. I wished I hadn't as soon as I did. It is 41 degrees Celsius here...which 105.8 degrees Fahrenheit! When we had a very cold winter in North Carolina, I vowed I wouldn't complain about the heat so... I won't! But I may also vow to not give in to my questioning of , "Wow! Today is really hot. I wonder what the...". Nope, not going there anymore! Alright so, ignorance may not be bliss (can't deny the sweat) but ignorance may be better!

First Father & Son Scooter Ride

2009-03-12T15:08:00.008+07:00

Don't worry. I tightened the chin strap.

Hold on tight.

As they drove off down on dirt road,
I found myself gulping and praying.
"Please be safe."

Pastor friends of ours are allowing John to borrow their scooter. This is a blessing because public transportation is not as available here at our apartment. John has been taking it out for the last couple days so he could get a feel for it. Today...he took Brayden with him to get a hair cut. I took some pictures as they left and I wanted to share them. I also posted other pictures from our time here on my facebook page. Feel friendly to befriend me and view them! :)

I love technology. It is making this transition so much easier. Cell phones, internet, skype, ipods, blogs to get info out. Really. It is easier now than ever to be a missionary. So, come on. I am sure there are many who would welcome the help.

God is Good

2009-03-09T20:41:00.003+07:00

I have been pretty amazed at how well we have all been transitioning. I thought it might be harder than this but there has been so much grace. Other than my swollen feet from so much travel that gave me blisters on my feet because my shoes no longer fit, there hasn't been that much discomfort. It's simple and fun. Our little temporary apartment doesn't have a full kitchen, just a refrigerator and a sink outside to wash dishes. We have been eating simple foods, cereal, sandwiches, yogurts, fruit, and ramen noodles. Oh, ramen! This afternoon when I was making that for lunch, I had a flashback to the days when John and I were first married and we ate that often. We didn't have much but each other but we were so happy. This season of life is reminiscent to that, just with 2 sons in a different country. As long as we are together, we are good.

I see God's hand leading us and guiding us in so many ways. He has always set up things up in a way that no matter what we can find a way to be happy. When we sold our home, we were happily homeless. After we moved around 13 times and needed a rest, He had us stay in Mexico for 3 months of training. When we had moved 23 times, God blessed us with someone who graciously accommodated us for 6 weeks until we left. After running around in preparation for the trip, God gave us a crossed out to do list and a long travel where we were forced to be still for hours. When we were overly ready for a place of our own, God gave us this little place JUST FOR US. Peace and contentment have come easily. God is good. He always gives grace for the call. He knows what is ahead and has always prepared our hearts for the next thing.

"Kharb kun ka", that's "Thank you" in Thai. Thanks for cheering us on and watching us grow. Although you are there, you are also here with us. Missing you already Freedom House.

Jealous Already!

2009-03-06T20:31:00.002+07:00

Confession...I am already jealous of John and his adventures.

Our first day here we went shopping for groceries, some household necessities, and a cell phone. Today (day 2), I replaced all the 25 watt light bulbs with 100 watt ones and then found it pressing to do a Jacqueline style cleaning of our place. It took hours with all the interruptions of the needs, I mean, the wants of children. With no ability to blow dry or style my hair (I still have not bought all that stuff for their different voltage), and the very hot and humid weather and no AC, expect for the bedrooms, I was looking oh so pretty. Actually, I felt as disgusting as I looked. While I was doing my thing, John took an adventure. He walked to where he could pick up a songtouw (public transportation which is literally 2 benches in the back of a pick up truck). He rode around the whole route just to get a layout of the land and do some exploring. The driver finally asked him when or if he was going to get out. John called Bill and Bill explained to the driver what John was doing. After that the driver had John sit in the front seat with him and he gave him a mini Thai lesson. Not a bad deal. Hours of adventure and a language lesson only cost him 10 baht (about 30 cents). John came back home and then got ready to go to a village church meeting. I would have loved to go but it was an hour and a half away and they aren't planning to be back until after midnight. My sleep deprived children wouldn't be able hang that long. So as I wait or try to wait up for him to come home, I am feeling a bit jealous of his adventurous day. I would have loved to have had his day instead of smelling like a combination of sweat and cleaning solution.

Well, the boys and I ordered a Thai meal for delivery tonight. In total, tip included, it only costed us about $4.00. It was yummy and we even have left overs for John. That will make for a great lunch tomorrow. Just throw it in our invisible microwave. :)

I need to take back all the times I have said, "I will be so jealous if John learns Thai before me." Because clearly he will. He will have more opportunities to be out and about and around it more. So, I should just accept it now so I won't be miserable later!

First Post From Thailand

2009-03-06T15:14:00.002+07:00

Well, it's 4:30 AM here and we are all awake, probably because we are still getting used to the time change. It's not much, only about 12 hours. :)

The travel was long, much longer than last time. From the time we left the house in NC till the time we arrived at our apartment in Khon Kaen, was nearly 48 hours. We had 4 different flights and some long layovers (5 hours). It was a small price to pay for better, more reliable service and about 2 inches more in leg room. Doesn't sound like much but it was especially on that 14 hour flight. The children did so well even when they were exhausted. Having DumDum lollipops ready to shove in the mouth of a two year old who is fixin' to fit helps a bunch too. Brayden was a trooper with his heavy backpack and responsibility to push the stroller during the times he would normally be sleeping.

Adrenaline replaced the fatigue once we arrived in Bangkok. I am so thankful for the wisdom of our pastors that suggested us go on an exploratory trip last year. So when we arrived this time, it was familiar. Just as I hoped, it felt like home. We arrived in bright mid day this time so I got to appreciate the modern architecture of the airport.

We stopped mid way in our 6 hour drive to have dinner with a missionary family. It was so nice to reunite with them that we forgot how deliriously tired we were.

Bill and Julie found us this great little 2 bedroom apartment. Pretty little, about 400 sq ft. It's the perfect size for us and our limited belongings. It is the first "home" our family has had in 8 months, I love it. Julie blessed us and had most essentials here. Arriving to made up beds was so nice. We slept so hard, almost as hard as the mattress. :)

We don't live that close to where public transportation picks up, so we are considering renting a motorcycle this month. That should be interesting, having all of us ride on that in the 98 degree heat. It would be even better if John got a pink one like the one I want. I would love a pink scooter. If I recall correctly, I think John may have promised me he would get me one if we went to Thailand. But that was when I was in mid decision about moving here. So...we shall see. :)

I think many would be surprised at how modern it is here. There is a Starbuck's, McDonald's, KFC and Pizza Hut. But we also saw an elephant walking down the street our first day here. It is a very interesting mix of old and new. The most foreign and uncomfortable part is the language and the unfamiliar alphabet. No big deal. You just feel stupid when you can't read anything.

John already has a cell phone so we have the ability to be reached in emergencies. Our internet runs slow but we still have it. So we have all that we need.

Thank you for adopting our family. We appreciate your friendship, encouragement, prayers and support. Please stay in touch and keep us posted on your prayer needs as well.

Blessings, Jacqueline

We are Living the Dream

2009-02-28T12:55:00.002+07:00

One of the first things I remember Pastor Penny saying after meeting her was... "It is so exciting when you get to dream with your husband."

At that season of life, John and I were not dreaming together. We did at one time but it seemed to get put on the back shelf or on the altar. Life kicked in and kicked it out. We weren't really living a nightmare, we were just living another man's dream. It may have looked good to others but it was extremely empty to us.

Missions was the heart beat of our Bible school where John and I met. It had become so much a part of who we were. After the "You may kiss the Bride " part of our wedding, we walked out of the church to the song "Ask and I will give you the Nations". We did not know then that it would take us nearly 8 years to get out on the foreign mission field. Good thing. We would have been very discouraged.

After having our first baby came the need to provide more, then came the need for a bigger place, then came the need of an extra vehicle. Soon we were living the "American Dream", but it wasn't so dreamy on the inside even though it may have looked good on the outside. John had excelled at his work, he was promoted again and again and made top salesman of the year. His demanding schedule kept out of the house 9-9, just about every waking moment of our children's lives. But we had a nice home, two vehicles in good condition and I was able to stay home with the children. We ended up sacrificing to have something we really never even cared to have. We were both restless. Dissatisfied. The "American Dream" was pushing out our true dream. We were barely holding on to it, let alone dreaming together.

I longed for the day when I would have a yard sale with all my possessions laying in the front yard. John wanted to fill his days with something that had eternal significance. Our initial vision started to be restored. We were hoping, then praying, then talking, and soon we found ourselves in agreement about the same things. It really is so exciting when you get to dream with your husband.

I know everyone has their own purpose and hearts desire for their life. The "American Dream" may be yours. That's great. It's great to have what you long for. For us, it was selling everything to go to a place where the gospel is hardly known in order to make it known. I know it is strange to some, but this is our normal. This is our dream.

We went from living another man's dream to dreaming a dream and soon we will be living our dream.

So Much Grace

2009-02-26T02:09:00.002+07:00

Sorry. Been busy as you can imagine. We leave in just days. Everything is starting to come together. We have been walking in so much grace through this preparation. People ask me if I am nervous or scared. I kind of feel funny when I say no. It has been so abundantly clear that we are doing the right thing that I would be more scared to stay when God is saying "Go". I say I feel like an overdue pregnant woman...so ready! But I also know that I have no clue what is in store for us. But we have done everything possible to be prepared to go so the only thing missing now is the actual going. yeah, sometimes I get that feeling that someone might get just as they are about to jump out of a plane and sky dive. "I can't believe we are about to do this!" But I am totally excited and please to know that we are going tandem with a great Instructor.

With all the preparation, I haven't been focusing on praying for the travel like I did last trip. Please be praying that everything that could go right would go right. No hassles with baggage or customs, no fussy children, no accidents, no jet lag, lots of rest, peace and joy. Pray for the boys' transition. Thanks so much.

The Good, The Bad, and The Silly

2009-02-19T01:34:00.004+07:00

Just like any woman, I like to buy new things for the house to make it a home. But it has been nearly 8 months since I had a home. And once we made our exploratory trip last March, I knew we would be selling everything so buying anything made no sense. So I have not bought a household related thing in over a year. BUT in less than 2 weeks, we will have our own home. Well, an apartment for a month, then we will be staying at Bill and Julie's for a couple months or so, and then we will have our own permanent place. So...maybe I should say, soon we will have a home.

Missionary friends of mine suggested that we bring our own bedding since it is a challenge to find something like that there. We won't need a comforter since it's nearly 100 degrees but I am getting a duvet cover (something simple but nice) We will mostly likely use alone. Yeah! I so can't wait to have a place of our own. Just that the end is in sight is a relief. Since some houses in Thailand come without water pumps, cabinets, closets, and air conditioners, there may be many things to purchase come July. But I can't believe that I am this excited about something as silly as a duvet cover. It was also exciting to get it on clearance for 80% off. Seriously. It comes in tomorrow.

You have been around for it all; the good, the bad, now the silly.

Only 11 days left!

Love Demonstrated

2009-02-15T08:05:00.004+07:00

I know this holiday is celebration of romantic love but that is only one of its forms. I think of Andre and April who are having their first baby boy today, that is also a celebration of love. My mom got saved on this day many years ago, that is true love. The love that I am thinking of right now is the love and support of all of friends, family, and even acquaintances through this major transition in our life. It has come in various forms and avenues. Encouragement. Prayer. Giving.

The demonstration of love through giving has been such a blessing. Not just because the support meets a need, but because of how it is given. It is a piece of someone that they are sharing with us. A website designer blesses us with a website. A couple of ladies surprisingly bless us with a much needed night away (babysitting & dinner included), completely out of their heart. A restaurant manager friend blesses us and comps our meal. A teacher gathers internet homeschooling resources for me to use for Brayden in Thailand. A lady offers to pay for my hair style needs. (unusual) A massage therapist designates the fee of her service to our monthly support. A couple gives specifically for our extra baggage costs. I love how people are using their profession and/or gifting as a gift to us. It is a part of them.

The generosity that Freedom House Church and others have demonstrated to us is overwhelming. It is humbling to receive all the love. I know that it fuels us for what is soon to come. More than you know, you are going with us and will share in whatever God does over in Thailand. Thanks for demonstrating love to us out of who you are. You are loved too.

That 5%

2009-02-12T08:17:00.004+07:00

We had beautiful weather yesterday so John and I enjoyed his birthday banana nut bread and tea out on the front porch. The boys were running around like crazy since they have been pent up with the cold weather. We got to have one of those talks. Deep. Heart felt. Uninterrupted (mostly). It was nice...until...he went there!!!

We talked about an area of my life that I am working on. An area of my life that is not yet surrendered to the Lord...and I didn't even realize it until he told me. Yeah, I have done the whole "Yes Lord!" to most things. I sold everything, I am leaving everyone to go to a different people with a challenging language in a place where there is very little light of the gospel. That is a surrendered life, right? Well, it could look that way and/or I could make it look that way. Truth is there is this one place that I am not allowing God to be the Lord over. In our conversation, we called it the "5%". I can say I am 100% surrendered to God and He is Lord over all of my life but in reality I am only 95% surrendered and I own and govern that 5%. This is the one area that I feel that I should be able to make my own choices, have my own way, obey only IF it suits me but with a list of conditions and stipulations, of course. My flesh rules and reigns over that 5%.

I don't typically struggle in trusting God. If He says it, I do it, He's God. I thrive with radical obedience. It's all or nothing when it comes to pursuing God. So, I should have no problem just crucifying my flesh, relinquishing control and moving forward but...I do. My hurts and disappointments from the past keep me walled up. I just don't want to open up there. I am good. I am done. It's not really a selfish spirited rebellion that I say that but, it is for my protection, but I guess it is rebellion nonetheless. I just can't manage to say "Yes, Lord" in this area because I know what it would cost me and I am unwilling. Even as I write this, I am wondering why I feel the need to protect myself from the potential will of God and blessing of God. I know fully that God has my best interest at heart, so why would I fear to let Him take control in my 5%. Good question, and I am finding out the answer.

Unless John kindly "went there", I would still be in self denial thinking that I was completely 100% surrendered to God (after all I am going to be a missionary). Funny, how we can deceive ourselves. So, do you have a place of your life where you still govern instead of God? What place? What percentage? Why? Answer these questions in your heart. See if Jesus is not just your Savior, but also your Lord...100%.

A Mansion

2009-02-08T11:14:00.003+07:00

We are not just doing things over here to leave but Bill and Julie are doing things for us to arrive. They found us a 2 bedroom furnished apartment that will be ours for our first month in Thailand. It is close to both their house and the university, which is where we will have our language classes. The apartment has beds, kitchen counters and cabinets, a stove inside, closets, hot water, a toilet (western style), and ceiling fans and air conditioning! These are considered luxuries. It's funny to me that the name of the apartment complex is Mijang Mansion. Jesus has prepared a mansion for us. :) When Julie sent over the news along with some photos, it occurred to me that we weren't just planning to leave America (which seems to be our focus right now) but we are also seeing ourselves live in Thailand...in a mansion! :)

What's a contico?

2009-02-06T09:24:00.003+07:00

I mentioned that we are only taking 7-8 conticos with us to Thailand. A few have asked, "What is a contico?" It is an indestructible black trunk locker that can be purchased in the automotive section at Wal-mart. At only $17.88, it is the best travel cases for missionaries. It is light, durable, and the perfect size for checked in luggage.

I have a love/hate relationship with these blank things. I love them because for the last six months they have held all that I own. I hate them...well,...for the same reason. They follow me everywhere I go and they are cumbersome to lug around. They have no compartments or anything for organization. They all look the same so we have had to label them for our sanity. There is nothing more frustrating than finally finding what you need in the contico at the bottom of a stack piled 4 high.

They are the most versatile belonging I have ever owned. It can act as luggage, a toy box, a hamper, a side table, and a bath tub. See here.

We have the ability to check 8 pieces. One for each of us, one miscellaneous, 2 for books or toys and the the pack-in-play!
That's 8!

Oh yeah, I am taking the pack-in-play! Some 2 year olds have stuffed animals or blankets to get to sleep. My son's comfort is his bed. It has come with us everywhere we went and he has never had a hard time sleeping. It is one of his few stabilities and I am not ready to transition him yet. I will definately need him confined to a space when we are still getting over jet lag from the 12 hour difference.

So, there you go, that's a contico.

Newsletter News

2009-02-04T23:28:00.005+07:00

We have sent our first official newsletter out and we now have less than one month before we leave. I had a moment the other night while me, John and even Brayden were working hard, stuffing, sealing and stamping the envelopes. You see, John and I have loved missions and missionaries for a long time. When we were first married, we used to receive lots of newsletters from missionaries all the time. I loved seeing the pictures and reading the stories. I hoped that one day we could be missionaries (it has finally happened, only 8 years later).

I saved all those newsletters and I did a very Jacqueline-like thing. I got a 3 ringed binder that had dividers. Anytime I got a newsletter, I would hole punch it and file it. It was our missionary prayer book and John and I would look over them and pray. I knew at that moment when we were praying for others that we were not only blessing them but we were also sowing into our future when we would be missionaries. I know paper mail eventually ends up in the trash or the recycling bin but I hope that our newsletter is never seen as junk mail. I don't expect anyone to take on my Jacqueline-like qualities and frame it or make a book but I do hope that people will read them and maybe support us and pray for us.

Who knows, maybe someone who reads them now may end up on the mission field later, just like us. That would be so incredible to me. We plan to send out quarterly newsletters to everyone on our mailing list. If you are not on that list, but want to be, just pass along your snail mail address and we will be sure to add it.

Man (and Boy) vs. Wild

2009-01-31T20:19:00.003+07:00

Brayden has become a huge fan of Man vs.Wild. He asked me to e-mail Bear this message. I hope he doesn't wait everyday by the computer for a response.

Hi. I watch your show a lot. I want you to teach me survival skills one day because when I am 20 years old I want to live in the wild. Have you ever got sick from the things you ate? The craziest thing I ever ate was a Talapia fish eyeball when I was in Thailand. What was the worst and scariest place you have ever been to? Have you ever brought home some cool stuff? Have you ever seen a spitting cobra? I hope you have a good time on your next survival mission. Maybe one day I can come with you. Do you want to visit me when I am in the villages of Thailand? It would be fun. We could dig in the sand and catch pit vipers. You can teach me how to make a fire so we can cook it and eat it. What was the thing that really helped you when you were in survival? Have you ever been to big grassy lands with hills? Have you ever found hieroglyphics? Have you found arrow heads also? I love being in the wild. I might be a little scared if I were in a dessert. I would be fine in the wild. Remember that episode when you slept in the camel? Why did you do that? Write me back with all the answers to the questions I asked. Ok?

Good Grieving

2009-01-28T04:30:00.002+07:00

On December 9th, I wrote a post on the prayer blog about "Grief". Little then I knew about all the grieving I would be doing. I have had a "Good Grief" kind of a day. We have already consolidated our life into 15 conticos (black trunks). I thought we did pretty good. Some of our missionary friends brought 25 or so. Well, things have changed a lot since they went 2 years ago. John researched about the extra baggage costs and he discovered that for every bag over 8, the cost will be $225. Unfortunately, we have to pay for our baggage twice, for both our domestic and international flights. So, we have to consider "Is this 50 pounds in here worth $225?" Most the time the answer is "NO" -it's just that we want to bring it. John and I are fine. It's the boys things. The toys take up so much room and the books are just too heavy. Over the next couple days we will be sorting through all our things once again because we can only take half of what we were thinking. It's not about stuff. It's memories -who gave it to them, when they got it, the light up of their face when they opened it. So I am grieving over toys, I never thought that would happen! Especially since I recall having thoughts like "I am tired of picking up all these toys. You boys have too much. You don't need any more." Now I am completely opposite. Well, I do need to consider that they have lived 5 months with all this stuff in storage so I guess they will be ok. They have stores and toys in Thailand. Maybe I am understanding for Brayden just how much he has had to give up and how it is effecting him and I am his momma and I want to make it all better. It's easy to trust God for myself. I can reason and comfort any doubts or fears. It's still a challenge to trust God for my son. I just want to step in so bad. BUT God has called this whole family and he will give grace to the whole family.

I am contemplating taking down that countdown on the sidebar. I like knowing I have 34 days left but I feel a bit anxious when I see the seconds also passing by when there is still so much left to do.

I Give Up Control

2009-01-24T08:15:00.004+07:00

Life has been interesting. We are learning to expect the unexpected. In some ways we are experiencing pure joy in God's blessing on this transition and then in other ways we are so anguished with how many of our friends are going through difficult times; loosing jobs, trying to have babies (not quite successfully yet) , strife in relationships, financial stresses. It hurts us to see so many struggling. Within a day's time, we can be happy, sad, happy, sad.

Last night, we had a handful of friends over to hang out and then share our vision for Thailand. This was our second of four meetings, and each one has a different flavor depending on who is there, but each one is great. I love being around people who also have an interest in missions. There is so much in common in the heart and instant connections can be made. Aslan, who hasn't been feeling well, was up half the night again. I took him to the pediatrician first thing this morning to learn that he had hand foot mouth virus. Sweet baby. He has ulcers on his tongue and the roof of his mouth. His gums are swollen and bleeding. No wonder he has been miserable and not wanting to eat. He has been needy yet hard to please all day.

John had a ministry appointment this afternoon. He felt like he had a strong breakthrough in an area that has been on his heart for a long time. He was blessed and pumped up for more. Later this evening we all were supposed to go to a pot luck dinner to hang out with a long time friend and missionary to China. I was really looking forward to meeting his new wife. But with Aslan going through it, I couldn't justify my selfishness to see everyone, so I stayed back with the boys. I sure don't want any other child to get this too. John was kind of bummed to not have us there, but he wasn't going alone..he brought Jambalaya, his "girlfriend from Louisiana".

Not too long after he left, he called to let me know that when he was stopped at a red light, he was crashed into from behind and then he hit the car in front of him. All in total, there were 5 cars in the mix. Thankfully, John is fine. But with only weeks before we sell our van and move to Thailand, we have damage to both the front and back end. John was telling me that he was listening to a Jason Upton song and singing, " I give up control of my life and my destiny. I give up control right now," right before he was hit. Funny. Sometimes stuff just happens and you are tested in how you will respond.

Speaking of responses, Brayden's was so unique, I purposely memorized it so I could tell John when he gets home. After he cried some because he thought his daddy was hurt, he got angry and said, "Oh no devil, you better show us some respect or you are going to get a whoopin' of a lifetime." (Who is this kid and where did he come from? He is too funny...he is only 5!)

So, here we are on the crazy and blessed ride, never knowing what is coming up next, but always knowing that God is in control. I think of all that has happened in and around us in the last six months and I feel like I have a enough to write a book already and we are not even in Thailand yet!

Self Preservation

2009-01-21T11:18:00.003+07:00

Have you ever had the blahs and had no idea why? I have. The last few days I have been in a funk. I could not even articulate to myself what my deal was. Then, my mother-in-law called just to say hey and be sweet. She mentioned that she has not spoke to me since I left Louisiana. It was that little bit of our conversation that stirred a whole bunch of self evaluation. I haven't really been in touch with many people since being back in NC. Yes, we are busy getting things done, making appointments, and this and that but I know there are friends that I have not called yet. Maybe it's that I have been out of the habit since I haven't always had the ability to call. But really, what I think I figured out about myself is that although I love my friends dearly, I am protecting myself from becoming close and then leaving again. We have less than 6 weeks left. To some my lack of communication may appear cold but it's really the opposite but I am expressing it in a strange way.

We have had to give up a lot to go on this journey. I have sold my home and pretty much everything in it (except for a few trunks of things to take to Thailand). But this was not even a little bit difficult or hard for me. Not one tear was shed. It was relief and freedom to finally do the thing that has been in our hearts for years. Oh, but the relationships I am leaving...ouch! That is completely different. That is when the pain of sacrifice comes. This is not going to be easy and I am starting to feel it. I suppose it could have been easier for me if we left in August to train and travel and then stayed gone. But to be back knowing it is for only such a short time? Sigh. I guess I have been protecting myself from that painful ache of an inevitable goodbye. I know it makes absolutely no sense to seemingly be avoiding people I love right now. I should be making the most of every second, which is what I intend to do as soon as I get out of my self preservation mode that could be offending people. Does that make any good sense? I could be hurting others while I am trying to protect myself? Well, it has been completely unintentional and I am sorry.